Her excitement is contagious, and I immediately picture our newborn daughter wearing that onesie, cradled in her mother’s arms.
Another couple walks past, and their conversation isn’t hard to overhear.
“…just saying we don’t need a two-thousand-dollar stroller! It’s not like we’re running a marathon with it.”
“I know, but…”
Fuck. Two grand for a stroller? I cast a panicked glance at Sage to see if she heard them talking, but she’s drifted away and is looking at more clothes. I take a minute to collect myself before going to join her. I don’t want her to sense my emotions, even though I know we’re going to have to talk about this sooner or later.
But as she said, we don’t have to get all this stuff today. I still have time to figure everything out. I make my way over to her, and she looks over her shoulder at me.
“I feel like we need to make a list of what we actually need, because there’s so much here, I could easily be tempted into buying everything.”
I force out a laugh that hopefully doesn’t sound too desperate. “Yeah, good idea. A list.”
Tilting her head, a small frown mars her face. “Are you okay?”
“Yup, fine,” I answer quickly, my hand shooting out and grabbing the first thing I touch. “Hey, look at this. What do you think?”
She glances down at the item in my hand, then back to me with raised eyebrows. “You want to get our daughter a pajama set that says ‘Mama’s Little Man’?”
I wince and take a look at the random set of clothes in my hand. “Ah, yeah, guess I didn’t read it closely enough.”
Sage touches my arm. “Are you sure everything’s okay?”
I swallow my nerves, putting the boy pajamas backon the rack. “Sure. Just a lot to think about. So much stuff to buy.”
“Well, we can probably find things cheaper at other stores or even look at some consignment shops. No kid needs top-of-the-line everything.”
Somehow, I manage to hide my sigh of relief at Sage’s pragmatic reply. “Totally.”
Sage takes my hand, tugging me out of the clothing section. “Come on, let’s see if they have a list of the top must-haves or something, then we can go home and research budget friendly options.”
I pull her to a stop. “No, you wanted to come here and look at nursery ideas. We haven’t even made it to the cribs.” No way am I going to let my worries impact her happiness. “Come on, let’s see what the options are.”
It’s not easy, but I conceal my sticker shock as we wander through the display of cribs and other furniture. Mentally, my mind is going wild trying to add up all the expenses that are mounting quickly. When Sage announces she’s ready to go, I don’t argue. We pay for the few items we’ve decided to buy and get in the car to drive home.
Partway there, Sage’s hand lands on my thigh, startling me out of my thoughts. “That was intense.”
I steal a quick look her way to see her staring at me, an unreadable expression on her face. Looking forward again, I focus on the road. “No kidding. Who knew there were so many options for baby bottles.”
“Did you see all the breast pumps? Manual, electric, holy crap, I’m gonna be a cow hooked up to a milking machine.”
She’s trying to make a joke, but the best I can muster up is a half-hearted chuckle. “I missed that section, I guess.”
“Brady, talk to me. Something’s been off ever since we got to the store.”
Thank God we’re close to my apartment. I hold off on saying anything until I’ve pulled into my parking spot. If I have to bare my soul, my deepest worries, I don’t want to be driving when I do.
Once the engine is turned off, I lean my head back and blow out a slow breath. “I’m just panicking a bit over some of the price tags in that store. You know, thinking about how much everything costs, all the stuff the baby’s gonna need.”
“Hey, we’ll figure it out. Besides, like we said, our kid doesn’t need fancy stuff.” She rubs my leg reassuringly. “We’re in this together.”
I turn my head to face her and lay it all out there. “Sage, the team only pays me during the season, and it’s not exactly a massive salary. Most of the guys have other jobs they work in the offseason. I…I haven’t been able to find one yet.”
I hate how pathetic I feel confessing that. How small my voice sounds, how weak I feel having to admit that I can’t provide what she needs.
But Sage doesn’t even flinch. “Brady. Do you really think so little of me that I would somehow expect you to provide everything for me and our child?”
