Honor doesn’t say anything for a moment.She picks up her bagel and takes a big bite of it.
“I knew it,” she says.Her voice is warm and careful at the same time, as if she worries I’m going to run.“I saw it in every single picture.”
“Don’t make it a thing.”
“I’m not making it a thing.”
“You have your making-it-a-thing face on.”
“I don’t have a face.”She picks up her mug.“I’m just sitting here…relishing that I was right.”
“Honor.”
“I’m happy for you.”She sets the mug down.Looks at the table for just a beat before she looks back at me.“I really am.You know that, right?”
“I know you’re happy, but now do your best friend thing and tell me that I’m living on a cloud and not in reality.”
“I so will not.Who says this can’t work out?”
I eye her phone.“Other than all the people online.”
She waves off my concern.“So after the year,” she says.“What happens then?”
“What do you mean?”
“The arrangement.The timeline your grandmother put in place.”She keeps her voice even.“After the year, what do you do?”
I open my mouth to give her the answer I’ve been giving everyone—that we’ll figure it out, that it’s too early to say, that we’ll cross that bridge—and then I stop.Because sitting here with her in this moment, having just said out loud for the first time that I’m falling for him, the old answer doesn’t fit anymore.
“I think I’m staying,” I admit, and saying it out loud makes it feel more real than it was ten seconds ago.Because if we’re actually doing this—if Easton and I are actually trying—then the year was never the point.
Honor stills.
“I’m staying in Chicago.”I watch her face.“The bookstore will be mine.Tanner is—” I shake my head, not wanting to go there.“I’m not going anywhere.”
She holds my gaze for a long moment.Something moves through her expression that I can’t fully name.Relief, maybe.She probably wants me back here, and I get it now that her life will take on a whole new prospect when her grandma passes.
“That’s awesome, Had.”She squeezes my hand.“My god, smile.You’ve found your place.”
I take a big piece of my bagel, my admission shocking me a little.
“I’m glad you found it.”
“Found what?”I laugh, mumbling over my chewing.
She lifts her eyes to mine.“Your reason to stay.”
I don’t know what to say to that, so I just look at her, and my heart feels tender that she believes in me, that I am fulfilled here with Easton and Tanner.But I need to change the subject, a break from me second-guessing if Easton feels the same as me.
“How are you doing?”I ask.“Really.”
“Really?”She exhales.“I don’t know.I think I’ve been in this holding period for so much of my life, I’m scared of what will happen.Then I feel guilty for thinking that way.”She glances toward the window.“But it’s almost over, you know?And I hate that I’m relieved by that.I hate feeling that way.I love her.”
“Don’t.”I reach across and take her hand.“You’re not relieved she’s dying.You’re relieved she won’t be suffering anymore.Those are completely different things.”
Her eyes fill.She blinks the tears back.
“She keeps saying she had a good life,” Honor says.“Every single day she says it.That she had a good life.”Her voice drops.“She says we only get one and to make it a good one.”She squeezes my hand and lets go, sitting back.“Okay.”She takes a breath.“Enough of that.”She picks up the last of her bagel.“Tell me something good.”
