“No, it’s not.It’s been a long road.”
She hands me my usual sandwich and takes out hers.“Hold on, I’ll get some water.”She goes over to a small fridge in the corner and returns with two waters.“I’ve spent a lot of time out here lately.It’s peaceful.”
“Is there anything I can do?”
She shakes her head.“No, it’s actually a little more manageable right now if you can believe it.It’s just a waiting game.She’s sleeping most of the time.”
She’s so matter-of-fact, and although I see her fatigue and tiredness physically, she seems to be handling it well.
“It’s nice when the nurse is here.I don’t have to do as much, but then I feel guilty.It’s just a roller coaster of emotions on the daily.But my grandma doesn’t seem to be in pain or anxious anymore, so that’s a blessing.She told me at the hospital that she was done, that it was time for her to move on.I’ve had to make peace with that.”
I don’t open my sandwich, leaving it unopened on my lap and placing one leg under the other.“Remember how she used to sit out here and smoke cigarettes, watching us on the swing set?”
“And then you went home smelling of smoke, and your mom called my grandma, saying she was endangering your lungs.”
I roll my eyes.Leave it to my mom.“I think she just knew I was having more fun over here.”
She lets out a sad sort of laugh.“Yeah, you always wanted to come here.I never got to enjoy that mansion much or see Whit swim.”
“First of all, it’s not a mansion, and your crush on Whit was out of control.”
“Everyone had a crush on Whit.”Honor puts her hand over her heart.“When he married Brea, hearts were breaking all over this town.”
I shake my head.“He’s a typical middle-aged man now.”
“Well, I’d still take it.It’s lonely over here, Had.”She glances at her grandma’s window.
“Let’s fix that.Practically the entire Colts team is single.”
“Um… not all of them.You’re married to one.Speaking of, can I just live vicariously through you today?”
There’s a lot I want to gush to Honor about because maybe she can help me get my head on straight.But I’m not going to come here and make it about me.
“There isn’t much to say.”
She tilts her head.“Come on, fill me in while I stuff my face with this glorious sandwich you brought me.”
I cross my legs on the chair and take a sip of the water.“Honestly, I don’t know what to tell you.”
“Let’s see, the pictures at the game when he’s staring at you.The picture of when you were in the Uber accident and he’s at the ambulance with you.Someone said he almost got run over getting to you.”
My head rocks back.“Seriously?That’s crazy.I told him not to even come.”
She throws a piece of tomato at me.
I manage to dodge it.“Hey.”
“He loves you… you can see it on his face in every picture.Oh, they got this one of you and Tanner at a park, and Easton is looking at you.Not his kid, at you holding his kid.”
I feel my face heat as she continues to eat her sandwich.
“Jeez, are you stalking us?”I laugh.
She narrows her eyes at me.“I don’t have much else to do.Plus, I think it’s more likeholy shit, my best friend is married to a Colts player and raising his baby.”
When she says it like that, it is crazy.Sure, I know Easton is a Colt, and obviously I’m a nanny for him, but if sixteen-year-old me would’ve known this, she would’ve squealed.But he’s just Easton to me.Not Easton Bailey, the Chicago Colts shortstop.
“Have you told him that you love him?”She points at my face.
