We'll need to slow down for a while in order to find our equilibrium again.
I'm just so damn sorry I made her feel like I only see her daintiness. Silas is right. She's our warrior princess.
Eleven
Vivian
Logically, I knew the first night home would be tough. I've always been a good sleeper, but I expected to have some issues tonight. I was right, of course, but that doesn't mean I'm handling it well.
I'm frustrated.Why am I so fucking worked up lately?
In my sweatpants, black tank top, and Jarek's sweatshirt, I perch at the top of the stairs leading to the basement. I don't fault Jay for hovering earlier when all I can think about is if Riot's okay.
Can he sleep? Has he eaten?
Part of me wants to drag him up to our bedroom so I can see him anytime I need to. We spent what felt likeyearsbeside each other. Having him two floors below me makes it hard to think about anything else.
Blowing out a breath, I lean my temple against the cool wall. Moving in any way tugs at my stitches. It wasn't as deep as I initially thought when I was bleeding all over that forest floor, but it still sucks.
Kade and Jarek demanded to change my bandage before we went to bed. It hurt like a bitch, but I was able to zone out.
Like now, I turn inward and check the bonds. Kade is a constant swirl around my head, working overtime to soothe my brain. Jarek is like a vise around my torso, holding me in a hug so fierce I can feel it consciously too. Silas hasn't stopped moving, flowing over all of us, even the red tether of Riot cinched around my bicep.
I wonder what would have happened to our strange bond had Riot left. Would it have faded away or maybe torn itself to shreds in an attempt to leave?
He could still leave, I remind myself with a sad sigh.
I wouldn't blame him. It must have been so uncomfortable for him to come into a stranger’s home after everything he's been through. I had hoped he would want to be around me like I want to be near him.
Huffing, I rub my dry eyes. Honestly, I don't love how the roles have changed between me and Riot. It makes everything much more complicated for me when I should probably be focusing on getting back to normal.
Now I'm stuck thinking about him constantly and worrying about the future. He was the one always trying to talk to me in the cells. Now we've swapped roles. I'm sitting here like a kicked puppy wondering why the hell he hasn't come to see me.
Maybe I'm being hormonal. That thought makes me roll my eyes because that's what an alpha or beta would say. It could be true, but it's rude.
I'm not hormonal—I'm fucking exhausted, traumatized, self-conscious, and sick of questioning every damn thing that's happened in my life.
I have another month before my next heat if I'm lucky. We'll need to sort our situation soon because I don't think I'll be able to handle Riot living here and keeping as far away from me as possible during my heat.
My omega side whimpers and protests that idea. According to my natural instincts, Riot is mine. He thinks it's because of a trauma bond. I don't care if that's what it is, I'm awake at one in the damn morning because he's too far away and that's what matters.
When will I ever fucking sleep if he's so adamant about keeping his distance?!
A loud thunk snaps me out of my musings. I'm on my feet and rushing down the stairs before I can even comprehend what I heard.
Riot grunts, and something hits the floor. Peeking into the open door of the home gym, I find him standing over a dumbbell breathing heavily. He notices me immediately.
Riot snaps his head up, and the full force of his attention sucks the breath from my lungs. I cock my head, trying to figure out what he was doing. He shouldn't be lifting weights.
"Don't look at me like that, Vivian. I wasn't using my bad shoulder, but I didn't think it would hurt that fucking bad to use my other arm," he grumbles, glaring at the weights again.
I enter the gym and sway slightly at the extreme slap of his scent. It's not tainted by the underground cell or the hospital. The combination of his earthy metal and our pack makes my nose tingle and me feel rejuvenated. The electric buzz of his proximity and presence in my home is surprisingly welcome.
"Why are you awake?" he asks suddenly. When he realizes I'm not going to speak, he takes a calming breath and rephrases his question. "Couldn't sleep?"
I shake my head and settle on my ass in the beanbag chair my men put in here for me. It's a cozy corner with a few blankets and a stack of books.
"Me neither," Riot says, and moves over to one of the leg machines. "Guess it's fucking leg day for the foreseeable future."
