His jaw grinds, and his dominance flares for a moment before he releases a breath. "Then explain it to me. Tell me why she doesn't eat. Why she hardly talks and looks like she's so far away from the world. She doesn't seem that much different here than she was in the cells, and that's fucking terrifying, man."
This is what I was hoping for. If he's going to be a part of our pack, he needs to come to conversations with curiosity, not accusations. We're different and complicated and sometimes messy. But we're so full of love, heart, and heat.
I need to know his reasoning behind his curiosity first. "I'll tell you, but first I need to know why you want to know."
Cursing, he drops his chin and rubs his forehead with the palm of his hand, almost dislodging his eyepatch. "This is so fucked up. You should want me as far away as possible," he mumbles to himself. "I care. You all know I care about her, so stop being a dick and help me out so I know where to go from here."
I give him a brittle smile. "Where do you want me to start?" I'm not just going to dump her whole life story, but I can help the poor man out.
"How do I get her to talk to me? I just want to hear her voice. It drives me crazy when she shrugs."
At that, I do smile and release a laugh. "You and me both. You'll get used to it and figure out how to read her when she can't speak."
He looks ready to pry the information out of me. "But what influences it? I've noticed that she's silent with you guys most of the time too."
Leaning back in my chair, I study him, noting the desperation in his eyes and noting his choice of words.He wants to hear her voice. "Depression and anxiety. Some days are harder for her than others."
"Depression? Did something happen?" Riot growls, showing his canines like he's ready to go into battle. He takes a threatening step toward me and growls.
"Easy, man," I murmur, worried he might break something. "Something doesn't alwaysneed to happenfor someone to struggle with depression. Vivie has a chemical imbalance in her brain that blocks neurotransmitters like serotonin and dopamine."
Riot waves a hand through the air, then shocks me with his level of knowledge on depression. "It's not that simple, though. The chemical imbalance is an outdated theory. Sure chemical imbalances occur, but for it to have such an effect on a person is a whole mix of things like environment, diet, experiences,trauma. So I ask again, what happened?"
"I'm a burden."
Fuck!
I'm out of my chair so fast and rushing toward her. "Vivie, baby," I whisper, cupping her cheek and staring into her dull eyes. "I didn't hear you come down."
She shrugs and leans into me. I almost forget Riot's behind me, then he rumbles out something aggressive and stomps over to us.
"Here, Firefly," he grits out, thrusting an apple at her. "For you."
I hold my breath, hoping she'll reach out and eat it. Instead she twists her lips and shakes her head.
"No, thank you."
Disentangling herself from me, she kisses my cheek and turns right back around to go upstairs. I don't have to guess whatRiot's feeling, because I'm feeling the same way. Every time she turns down food, the knot in my stomach tightens with dread.
She can't go on like this forever.
Thirteen
Vivian
It's been a few days since we got home. Sometimes it feels like ten years, and other times I swear it's only been an hour. Time and food don't seem to matter much either.
I was struggling before, but now it's different. Everything always has to be so hard.
My belly twists with nausea whenever I think about being locked in that cell, but it also felt like a much simpler time. Survive and escape.
Then there was the hospital with tons of tests and questions. Heal and rest.
Being home is the same times a thousand. I feel like I'm still just fighting to survive each day and escape the memories. I've done nothing but heal and rest.
My men haven't even offered to give me my phone back, but I don't want it. I wouldn't find anything on there anyway, except for some demands from Max. Maybe I should pull my laptop out and send him the work I've already done for his extra nests. Or I could ask one of my guys to do it.
I have no motivation to work. All I can do is stare off into the distance and try not to think about anything at all.
