"Why the hell not?" My chest feels tight with stress, and my mind is whirling around trying to figure out how the hell we went from him dirty talking to sex being off limits.
"Because you were kidnapped, Vivian," he responds with so much resolution.
I refuse to accept this stance. "They didn't touch me like that. Do you think—" I gulp. "I'mnotdirty, Silas..." His name comes out sounding like a sob, but I won't be able to handle it if he won't touch me because he thinks I'm tainted now.
"Oh fuck no! Vivie, that's not what I meant at all," he reassures, placing his hands on my cheeks. "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. What I meant is we need to be careful not to trigger you. Sex feels selfish when you're healing and struggling."
Sniffling, I dislodge his hands to wipe my cheeks. "Will you trust me when I tell you I'm ready?" I need to know if I'm going to have another fight on my hands. Do I really need to convince and prove to my mates that I’m eager to be intimate, or will they listen to me and my needs?
"I'll trust you," he murmurs.
"Then kiss me, Beta." I barely get the words out before his mouth is on mine and his tongue plunges into my mouth. Relief that he's not handling me like precious china races up my spine, making my lips tingle with the desire for more.
Silas explores my mouth, groaning and cradling my face like he's etching me into his memory. I am his and he is mine. This feels like coming home.
My knees are cold from the chill of the grass, my beta is dominating me in the sweetest way possible, and my panties are slick with need.
Pulling back, I suck in a greedy breath and drop my forehead to his. "I love you," I murmur. "Now give me my flowers."
Silas barks out a laugh and kisses my nose. "There's my girl. I fucking love you too."
Fourteen
Silas
"Okay, so I know we're not doing a vegetable garden this year, but it's tradition." Pulling the bowl of tomatoes from around my back with a flourish, I smirk at my omega. She has dirt on her forehead. Her cheeks are rosy from the mid-morning sun, and there's a smile on her face.
I already know she's going to scrunch her nose up at the snack, so I take matters into my own hands. Popping one into my mouth to entice her into eating, I smirk.
Bad idea. As I open my mouth to smile, I bite down at the same time. My fucking tomato squirts right into her damn eyeball, making her screech and flinch away.
"Oh shit, I'm sorry!" I gasp, already lifting my shirt to wipe the tomato juice from her eye.
"Silas!" Vivie huffs and bats my hands away. "Damn you!"
Unable to control my laughter, it bursts from me in deep peals of happiness and surprise. The moment of levity continues as she playfully glares at me and snatches the bowl away.
For just a moment my stomach sinks when her upper lip lifts like she's going to snarl, but she doesn't. Instead, she playfully nips at my shoulder and retreats with a beaming smile on her face.
"Mine," she grumbles and stuffs her face full of cherry tomatoes. With her munching away and humming quietly, I relax back onto my hands.
I worry my heart won't ever rest again. Since she went missing, it feels like it has been irreparably bruised. There's this constant ache, like it's holding back for fear of being hurt again.
When Vivian was kidnapped, it completely stopped working. Then it restarted when we found her, and each day since it gains some speed. When she smiles or shows signs of life, it skips over itself. Then I swear I'm about to have a heart attack every time because I'm waiting for her happiness to fade again.
My mind feels similar. Even now as she enjoys her time planting the flowers I had delivered for her in the garden bed I weeded and prepared, I'm thinking of every angle to keep her content.
Sometimes life feels like a battle against the demons that made us who we are today. Without the expectations placed on me as a child to be the best I could be, I wouldn't be so wired and ready to be everything everyone might need. I can wear many hats, and that's because I was raised to believe that's the only way anyone would want a beta.
That makes my parents sound like emotionally abusive assholes. Maybe that's true on some level, but they love me. I know they do, but my constant questioning of their anxieties pulled us apart.
Still, their words and lessons linger. I know I don't have toearnmy pack's love. That doesn't stop my brain from being hard-wired into being determined and focused on doing everything I can to help my mates and give them what they need.
So you see, we all have our issues.
Vivie might think we put up with hers because she's our scent match. Our fated omega. But it's like that for all of us.
Jarek has his hands full trying to encourage me not to be so serious all the time. I'm on the hook for keeping the pack calm and contained. Kade is pack lead, guiding us through life and making the tough decisions. Vivian has three, now four, dominant men to deal with and spread her pheromones throughout the pack to keep everyone content and feeling included.
