Hope and fear battle for dominance in my body. My mind wars with my heart more than it ever has in my entire life. I don't know what this all means, especially considering she doesn't bear my mark, but I know one thing is for certain. If I'm in her pack bond, I am pack... "And where am I, Firefly? Where do you see me in this subspace?"
The silence is fucking deafening.
To my utter surprise, it's Jarek who answers. "Wrapped around her left bicep."
Vivian gasps and twists in her seat. With her eyes and mouth wide, she gapes at her alpha. "You see?!"
Staring down at her with so much love and exhaustion, Jarek runs his hand through her hair. "We have a lot to talk about, Butterfly."
"Not possible. We're not mates," I murmur, mostly to myself while they're having their moment, but she catches it, rocking back like I've hit her. Fucking hell, I hurt heragain.
"I thought—" She swallows. "You said you would listen."
Before I can assure her Iamlistening but that this is nothing like I've ever heard of, she pushes her chair back, dislodging Jarek. I do the same, jumping to my feet. "Firefly, wait!" But she's already rushing up the stairs.
I'm ready to run after her, but Jarek's low growl stops me in my tracks. "There's a lot going on in this fucking house. You want to help? Maybe you should use the information you just got to figure out why the hell you don't feel Vivian in your soul?What walls do you have up that make it so fucking hard for you to recognize your own scent match?"
"What did you just say?" I feel like I can't breathe.Scent match. Obviously I like the way she smells and there's a connection, but?—
"You're blind to what's right in front of you," he growls.
"I'm right here! I'm trying and I want her!" I snap back, pissed he thinks I'm intentionally being an asshole.
Jarek shakes his head. "Do youneedher? Does your skin itch when you're more than five feet away from her? Is your mind on a constant loop, wondering how she's doing, what you can do to make her happy? What about your teeth? Do they fucking ache to sink into her soft flesh and bind her to you for all eternity?"
All the above. My throat convulses with the emotions I've tried to bury, and I swear my eyes burn with a wave of tears. This isn't like me. None of this is. I live life alone, never staying still, always rushing into danger.
Jarek steps closer, his lavender and cedar scent wrapping around me. He's calming and strong, two things that confuse my alpha tendencies to fight and dominate.
He comes close enough that I can feel the heat radiating off his body. "How's your cock doing, Riot? Are you aching and desperate for your omega to take you so deep in her tight hole? Do you fuck your fist at night wondering what she might feel like? Maybe your canines sink into your lip as you imagine solidifying your bond. Is that what makes you come? Tell me, Riot...How the absolute fuck do you not recognize your scent match when she's standing right in front of you, begging for your love and devotion?"
I have no words. Jarek's right about everything. "How do you know for sure?" I find myself whispering, needing someone to be completely honest and blunt with me.
His eyes soften a smidge, and before he leaves me to think about the walls I've built up around myself, he drops the final bomb that sets my tears free. "Because you're my scent match too."
Sixteen
Vivian
He doesn't believe me. Riot said he would listen, but he didn'thearme. The one time my anxiety loosens enough for me to have an actual conversation, and he throws it down the drain with his inability to accept me.
Pacing the length of my bedroom, I think through what I said. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything and just waited for him to figure it out in his own time. Except I don't think we have a lot of time before he chooses to leave.
How do I prove to him that we're connected, at least in some way? He's literally clinging to me in the bond, yet the Riot on the outside doesn't feel the same.
The longer we're home, and our proximity stays close without the stress of impending doom, the more I realize what we are to each other. Riot is my alpha whether he acknowledges it or not.
It hurts like nothing I've ever felt before that he doesn't feel me, but I can't change that. He's either adamantly ignoring it or there's something blocking him from seeing me.Feelingme.
My other mates don't experience the bond like I do, but they know without a shadow of a doubt that I am embedded into their souls. Maybe if I bite Riot it would speed things up.
No, that's a bad idea. Biting is off the table until he proves he's in this forever.
I didn't mean to suck him into the bond. Hell, I didn't even realize what the hell he was when I first noticed the damn tether. As far as I knew,hewas the unwelcome one.
When we were in captivity, I didn't intend to strengthen the connection, but he was my lifeline. He was strong, caring, and outspoken about how to keep myself alive. I trusted him, and I needed that more than anything. I needed him. His encouragement for me to live drew me to him. Nobody but my mates has ever fought so hard for me to be okay.
I didn't mean to do this to him. If he wants to leave, he can. I'll reap the repercussions of my actions. What I created is deeper than his consciousness is aware of. Mine too honestly.
