Silas watches me thoughtfully, Jay looks worried, and Riot seems more interested in watching the dynamic between me and my pack alpha. I wonder what he sees...
"It's no strain, Kade," I defend eyes narrowed, voice placating. "I can just tug on some of the energy in the bond when he needs a break."
Riot cocks his head. "You can do that?"
"That's how I had the energy to get up after the last beating," I whisper even as I lift my chin with false confidence. I just want to be strong and not be bothered by the shit that happened.
He curses and drops his chin to his chest. Immediately, I feel bad for upsetting him, but he asked the question.
"Butterfly, I can't ask you to do that." Jarek looks pained, like he wants to accept my offering, but he wouldn't ever do something to put me at risk.
I ignore Kade's warning rumble when he picks up on the stubbornness wafting off me. "You're not asking, Alpha. Plus, I'll know when you’re overwhelmed without you having to ask." I swallow and glance around at the worried faces. "Please. I can do this. Let me do this."
It seems no matter how stubborn or determined I am, I'll always have a submissive spot for my mates. Their approvaland support can boost my confidence, and I don't want to do something they'll hate. My anxiety wouldn't be able to tell them to fuck off right now. At least not when my heat is coming.
Kade studies me for a moment before he nods and wraps a hand around the back of my neck. "You'll tell us if it's too much."
"Yes, Alpha."
The tension rises for a few heavy heartbeats. Just when I think we're about to rip each other’s clothes off, Silas snaps us back to what tonight is really about. Connecting, talking, learning more about each other.
Silas starts by sharing more about Kade because our pack lead doesn’t like talking about himself much. "Kade traveled a lot in high school with his family. They did a lot of overseas trips. Riot, you traveled a lot. Where was your favorite place?"
Riot shows his sweeter side when he leans forward and brushes his cheek against Silas. The blatant scent marking makes our beta blush and lean closer to him.
A contented purr rumbles from Riot before he sighs. "Honestly, I didn't notice much beyond what I needed for strategy. It was always about the job and saving as many people as I could."
His eyes glance over to me when he must see my aura sag with sadness again. I have no idea how to manage that because we've never dealt with this kind of manifestation. Will he be able to see the others when he bonds them too?
Kade leans forward this time, his interest in traveling coming to light. "Where do you want to visit the most? Not for work or nefarious reasons. Just foryou."
The way Riot's eyebrows slam down and pucker his red scar makes my tummy twist. Surely he's thought about something that simple right? Or has he never given himself the opportunity to dream and hope for adventure and experiences?
What he says next is far fucking worse than him not having any answer at all. "I want to visit my parents’ gravesite."
My eyes squeeze shut in an effort to keep my tears at bay.
"Where's that?" Kade rumbles, sounding emotional but strong at the same time.
"My caseworker told me they were buried at Hillside Rest Cemetery in Summerset, South Dakota."
The crackling of the fire is the only sound to be heard. All the attention slowly shifts to Jarek, and I notice I'm not the only one with tears dripping from my lashes.
"That's—" Jarek clears his throat and tosses the blanket off his lap. "That's where my sister is buried."
Riot's red tether cinches tight around my bicep, and it ceases all movement like the surprise is so visceral even his soul has stopped living. Kade's bond slips from my temple and wraps around Jarek's gold and Riot's red. They're both hurting. Silas swirls around trying to love on everyone too.
"How did she die?" Riot asks, opening the conversation.
Pain rattles me from all sides as the whole pack quakes with despair. We may have never met Sadie, but our love for her is as strong as it is for Jay's younger sister, Zoey.
"Suicide," Jarek says bluntly. He sniffles and forcefully wipes his face with an aggressive huff. "I never really knew her. She died when I was three. But it never gets any easier, does it?"
Riot meets Jarek's anguished gaze and shakes his head slowly. "No. It doesn't. My parents were murdered before I turned two. I miss them even though I never knew them. Every day I imagine the life we could have had together if things had been different. I think what hurts the most is knowing how much life you could have had together."
The heartbreaking connection Jarek and Riot are forming makes my chest ache. Cracks and fissures shatter my heart, but the pain heals and soothes with so much blinding love.
We're a family. No matter how long we've known each other, this is it. This is us. Riot's never had a home, but we're his home now.
