“Well, we can’t get pizza place bread,” I say. “But let’s see what you have downstairs. I might be able to make cheesy garlic bread.”
Bella’s eyes go big. “You could make it? Right here? In ourhouse?”
I laugh and give her belly a pinch. “Yes. Right here in your house. As long as we have the ingredients. And if we don’t have them today, I can order a grocery delivery before tomorrow.”
Bella leans in, wrapping her arms around my neck and squeezing tight. “Oh, Clover, I just love you.”
Throat tight, I cuddle her close. “Love you, too, buddy. Now, should we clean up the trains before we go see what to have for lunch?”
“The trains don’t like to be clean,” Ava says, popping to her feet. “They like to stay out on the table.”
“They get scared in the box in the closet,” Bella agrees so vehemently that I can’t help but laugh. Mistaking my laughter for a lack of serious attention to this matter, she insists, “Really. We can’t put them in that dark place or they’ll cry all day. All dayandall night.”
“Okay, okay,” I say, fighting a smile. “Let’s just make sure they’re all on the table so they won’t stepped on.”
We do, then head downstairs, where we find frozen garlic bread in the freezer and a hunk of cheddar cheese in a drawer in the fridge. It isn’t mozzarella, but I assure the girls I think it will still taste delicious and put the oven on to preheat. I cut up apple slices for them to eat as a nod to health while we wait for thebread to bake, then shred fresh cheddar on top of two large slices before popping them back into the oven to melt.
The girls devour their first portions in a flurry of praise and beg for seconds.
I’m sliding their second round on the table when Dean walks in, a grocery bag in one hand and a bag of apples in the other. “Hey there, I stopped to pick up some groceries for lunch on the way home,” he says, his awkward expression reminding me that he never replied to my text. “But it looks like you have lunch covered.”
I was so busy with the girls, I forgot I was waiting for a response from their dad.
But I remember now.
Boy, do I…
“The girls wanted garlic bread,” I say, my cheeks heating. “And you had everything to make it, so…”
“It’s so good, Daddy!” Ava cheers, inhaling deeply over her still-smoking slice. “So delicious, and it smells even better than Packy’s Pizza cheesy bread.”
“I love it in my belly,” Bella says around such a giant mouthful that the words are barely intelligible.
Dean and I both laugh. Then abruptly stop laughing. Then glance at each other. Then glance away, the awkwardness so exquisite there’s no doubt in my mind that my text appeal was a failure.
I’m going to get fired. Soon.
Probably the second, the girls are tucked in for their naps.
Which really, really sucks, but…
Well, I guess it is what it is. And maybe this is the right call. Maybe weshouldend this before I fall any harder for his kiddos. Before they fall any harder for me.
Before I make a potentially dangerous mistake and get in too deep with this wounded family.
After all, I’m not a therapist or a licensed social worker. Heck, I’m not even an accredited secondary education teacher or a person who wants kids someday.
Idon’twant kids.
I don’t want to be the girls’ stepmother any more than I did before I met them.
I just wanted to be here for them during a hard time. For both us. The past year hasn’t been a walk in the park for me, either, and healing has taken so much longer than I thought it would. Caring for Bella and Ava would have given me some meaningful, much-needed work while I give my body more time to see if it’s going to get “back to normal.”
And I would have given them someone who could truly empathize with everything they’re going through. And with just being a kid. I remember how hard it is to be a kid.
I remember it better than most adults, I think, though Dean might get it, too.
When Bella insists that he try a bite of the bread she’s been gumming and squishing with her little fingers, he doesn’t hesitate to lean down and let her feed him. “But just a tiny baby bite, Daddy,” she warns as he opens his mouth. “Because I’m still hungry, and I only want to share a little right now.”
