I return to the table, delivering Clover’s mug before sitting and wrapping my hands around my own. I’m definitely appreciating something warm and solid to hold onto as I ask, “So, you don’t think the fact that you came on my fingers the other night is going to be a problem?”
She exhales a startled laugh, her cheeks flushing pink before she says, “Nope, not a problem at all. We just won’t talk about that again.”
“Orthinkabout it,” I agree.
“We’ll pretend it never happened,” she confirms, flashing a dazzling smile as she lifts her mug in a toast. I lift mine, too, a little less enthusiastically. “See how easy that was?”
She drinks.
I nod, but don’t sip from my mug. “I think that’s the only way this works. We seriously just…wipe it from our memories and start fresh. The girls are already so attached to you, after just a morning. I can’t imagine how upset they would be if we got a month into this and awkwardness between the two of us led to you wanting to leave. Youareopen to staying longer than a month if things work out, right? Sorry, I probably should have asked that first.”
She nods. “I am. I was planning to sign on for a year with the other couple. So, I’m definitely up for a twelve-month contract if the trial period works out. That would give me time to save up the money I need to get my own place without a roommate.” She motions under the table. “And by then, I should know whether or not my body is ever going to be as strong as it was before the accident, so it would really be…”
She grips her mug tighter, until the tips of her fingers go white as she adds in a softer voice, “This job would be a great thing for me. And to be brutally honest, Dean, we never would have worked out for more than a night or two, anyway. I don’t date men with kids. Ever. It’s just not something I’m comfortable with at this point in my life, and I don’t know that I’ll ever be. I’m not even sure I want children of my own. I love taking care of kids, especially great little people like Bella and Ava, but I also like going home at the end of the day and doing my own thing, you know? Playing bass and designing clothes and just…rotting in the bathtub reading trashy novels. The thought of being a full-time parent or stepparentisn’tsomething I’m excited about right now. At all.”
The speech lands like a sucker punch.
I truly didn’t see that coming.
I don’t blame her for drawing a boundary—I did the same thing Saturday night—but hearing her state so bluntly that I never would have been more than a one or two-night stand is…
Well, it hurts a little.
And is more disappointing than it should be.
Both of which are completely inappropriate things to be feeling about my new nanny. So, I force a polite smile as I add, “Okay. Well, good. Great. I’m glad you shared that, too. It looks like we’re clear to move forward with a clean slate.”
“Great,” she echoes with an equally polite smile.
“Really great. I’m glad to have you here. I think you’ll be an amazing influence on the girls.”
Then we sit there in silence for a long beat.
I’m uncomfortable.
Uncomfortable as hell, in fact, but Clover seems fine.
She sips her coffee, smiles, and sits back in her chair with a sigh, apparently unbothered by the lack of conversation.
I, however, am not.
But I suddenly can’t think of small talk that’s guaranteed to be appropriate for a man and his new nanny. I’m overthinking this, and will probably be overthinking it for a good time to come. I’ve never had a relationship like this one. Hell, I don’t know if I’m even supposed to call this a relationship.
Maybe it’s more of a business arrangement? A co-worker type of thing?
Fuck. My head’s starting to hurt.
I’m about to excuse myself to go put in a load of laundry—anything to get some breathing room—when Clover asks, “So, Bella has big opinions about bananas and a bit of a funny tummy when she’s upset, and they both love garlic bread, playing in the bath, and think sparkly tacos are super cute. What else should I know that’s not in the caregiver directions?”
My chest loosens a little. Talking about the girls is good. As long as I stick to the girls, this will be fine. “Well, Ava is deeply suspicious of anything green,” I say. “Unless it’s on a pizza. Asparagus on pizza? Delicious. On a plate? The devil’s work.”
Clover laughs. “That’s fair, I guess. Pizza is its own ecosystem. And Ava thinks she’s too old for a nap, but sometimes needs one. That’s why she has quiet time with her audiobook during Bella’s nap?”
I nod. “Yeah. At least half of the time, I’ll go in to wake them, and Ava will be asleep in her fort, too. But we both pretend she’sjust ‘resting her eyes.’ She’s terrified of being forced back into a nap schedule for some reason.”
“It probably feels like backsliding on the growing up front,” Clover muses. “It’s never fun to feel like you’re losing ground, even as a kid.”
I sigh. “I guess. I just wish she weren’t in such a hurry to grow up. I keep telling her there’s no rush, but she’s been like that since she was a baby. She was the one we had to chase down to force her to quit playing with toys long enough to eat. As soon as she could crawl, she was on the go.” I roll my eyes. “And determined to go exactly where she pleased. As you discovered this morning.”
