CHAPTER 32
THE REFUSAL
It was said that since the Shattering, the Arcanth wished for its strength to be whole once more. It knows. It sees. It chooses.
–Arcanthys Mythology
Her thoughts didn’t let up as she rode. Every beat of her valmare’s hooves echoed the same refrain:
You killed him. You killed him.
Sebastian had warned her. Had tried to keep her from this. She’d come anyway. Sebastian rode ahead, his dark cloak torn and billowing behind him in the cold night wind. Something dark radiated from him. Every heartbeat she waited, prayed even, for him to look back at her.
But he didn’t. Not once.
The guilt was eating her alive.
A monster. That’s what he’d see now.
But that was absurd. The man had cut through a dozen guards to rescue her – had killed in the temple beside her. Surely he wouldn’t condemn her for acting to save him? But the fear of his rejection was real. And his silence was doing nothing to ease her growing panic.
They didn’t ride back south to Sorrel, or west to Fatàn. Sebastian hadn’t wanted to retrace their steps and progress in Fatàn was too slow and exposed. They’d learnt that the hard way. Instead, he’d angled them southwest, away from the border, into Durent’s rocky hills, where patrols would be fewer. The climb was brutal, steep stone ridges against the night sky, but the cover was better there. They would be harder to follow, and harder to see. And for now, distance was all that mattered. They pushed the valmares hard until the Fire Temple and the volcano were small smudges in the distance. Only when the creatures began tostumble did Sebastian slow, pulling them off the rocky trail into a narrow pass. The cliffs leaned close on either side, muffling them from the wind.
At least no-one’s likely to find us here.
A little higher, half-hidden behind some fallen rock, they found a suitable place to camp, a shallow cave, out of sight from the trail. Safe enough. Sebastian entered first and checked every corner with his blade drawn. He turned and gave Kara a curt nod.
They unsaddled the valmares without speaking. The only sounds were the mares stamping their hooves and blowing hard from the punishing ride. Sebastian sat with his back to the wall. His sword lay across his knees. His gaze was fixed, unblinking, on the mouth of the cave. Kara threw down the blanket she’d taken from Rooksnest – at least it would take some chill off the stone floor. She lay down in silence with her cloak wrapped around her.
She was exhausted – they’d ridden all through the night – it was late morning now. But she couldn’t sleep. The soldier’s face appeared every time she tried. So she stayed perfectly still, staring blankly at the ceiling. Sometimes her gaze would find her hands, her mind turning the dirt there into the man’s blood.
Hours passed. Or maybe minutes.
Say something. Please.
Finally, Sebastian looked over to her. “Are you alright?” he asked.
No.
She wanted to say yes. Wanted to show him that she was strong and unshaken. But she couldn’t lie to him. So instead, she just whispered, “I don’t know.”
He nodded once. Understanding crossed his face before he looked away again. But he still didn’t reach for her.
“Sebastian–” she started.
“You should try to rest whilst you can,” he said, still not looking at her.
But Kara couldn’t go back to silence. She had to know. “You’ve barely looked at me since. Do you...” Her voice trembled. “Do you see me differently now? I’m a healer and I–” She took a breath. “I killed someone. So I understand if you think less of me–”
His head jerked up. “Think less of you?” He looked horrified by the thought. “Is that what you think?”
But before she replied, he crossed the cave in two strides and pulled her into his arms.
“Kara, no. Of course I don’t.”
Thank the Four for that.
“I didn’t know... didn’t know my magic could do that,” she cried into his tunic. “Take a life like that. I didn’t mean to do it. I just wanted him to stop hurting you. But then I saw his face–” Tears spilled down her cheeks. “It was me. I did that.”
