He nodded and scuttled off, probably to go try and recruit more followers. I drifted aimlessly around for the rest of the evening until finally, I met up with Ronan. I was about to debrief himon my run-in with Abe when I noticed his expression already looked soured.
“Who did you speak to that left you looking like this?” I asked jokingly.
But humor didn’t seem to hold any appeal to him right now.
“Have you heard about Henry Bass’s drinking rumor?” he asked seriously. It was almost disconcerting to see him look this solemn.
“Your good friend Abe might have mentioned something about it, yes,” I said. It was actually rather unfortunate that the poor man’s business was being spread around campus like that. “Why does that have you so frazzled? He’d hardly be the first staff member to have his vices. Are you also hiding a drinking problem I didn’t know about?”
“No. But…” he hesitated, sounding unsure of himself. “Lucas, can you keep this just between the two of us?”
I was now truly invested. I’ve never known Ronan to take risks. Yes, he was a flirt and too charming for his own good sometimes but he’d never really taken anything beyond that. In fact, I thought sometimes, he enjoyed flirting with theideaof risk most of all. What could he possibly have done to warrant this sudden gravitas?
“Of course,” I answered, just as seriously.
He took another moment to look around before he finally told me. “Listening to the reaction that Bass caused made me think twice about a student I had my eye on.”
My eyes widened in surprise. “A student? Who?”
“That is a detail I will not be sharing,” he answered. “But the point stands. Perhaps I haven’t been in my right mind lately and I’d forgotten how fragile this all is; one’s reputation in anenvironment like this. Just one mistake and your entire life’s work crumbles to nothing.”
His words made me feel sick to my stomach. Part of me wanted to tell him about June. I knew that he’d noticed and entertained frivolous engagements with students before, though it’d never truly amounted to something serious.
But how could I offer anything—whether criticism, judgement or advice—when I myself had already acted on the very thing he was now only considering? That wouldn’t just be throwing stones from a glass house, it would be the equivalent of driving through said glass house with a bulldozer.
“Well, Ronan, I can’t say I ever thought I’d hear you say that,” I settled on making a simple factual statement instead. “I didn’t take you for the reckless type.”
His expression didn’t change, and he was clearly deep in thought. My own thoughts were driving me to leave, not just to escape the noise but to do something I probably should’ve done a long time ago.
“I think I’m going to call it a night,” I told him, patting his shoulder.
“Already? It’s still early,” he said, gesturing around us at the lively gathering.
“I’m not feeling too well,” I lied. “I think I might be coming down with something. Enjoy the rest of the night.”
Before I even made it to my car, I already had my phone pulled out and June’s contact selected. I typed as I walked, my heart leaping even further up my throat with every keystroke.
Me: Meet me in my office. It’s urgent.
9
~
June
“Yes, James?”
My hand hung limply in the air for a few seconds before I let it drop in defeat. Lucas didn’t even so much as look at me, his attention focused on my friend two seats over.
James was running through his answer but I couldn’t even hear what he was saying. It was like my head was submerged underwater. When Lucas was done speaking with James and moved onto the next question, I didn’t even bother raising my hand up again.
That must’ve been the sixth time during the whole lecture so far that he decided to completely ignore me every time I offered to answer.
I felt Chloe gently nudge me in the ribs.
“What’s that about?” she whispered as quietly as she dared. “He never ignores you like this. What did you do?”
“Nothing,” I said defensively, then immediately slunk further down back in my seat. I recalled the phone on my desk had practically burned a hole into my eyes as I stared at it guiltily. Okay, so maybe doing nothing had been precisely the problem here.
