I pulled up Lucas’s text and walked to Mads, handing her the phone. She took a moment to read it before handing it back.
“And you left him on read. Damn.”
“This is serious,” I said, sitting down next to her and flopping back on the bed.
“I know. Okay, okay, I’m being serious. June, you did the right thing by not responding. You know that, right?” she said.
“Did I?” I asked. I didn’t recognize my own voice. I sounded shaky and completely uncertain.
Mads laid down next to me, both of us staring up at the ceiling.
“Why did you ignore his text? If you really think about it,” she asked.
I took a moment to admit it. Truthfully, I could’ve given her an answer immediately. But if I’d been honest from the start, it would’ve meant facing a bigger truth that I wasn’t ready for.
“I ignored his text because I knew that I wouldn’t have the strength to resist him if he got me alone. I don’t trust myself to even try,” I said.
“Hmm,” Mads hummed. She turned to look at me but I kept my gaze on the ceiling. “So you did do the right thing. June, you can easily write off a one-night stand as a mistake. But if you do that again, well, there’s something more there. Something that could only ruin your life and, with how hard you’ve worked so far, could you really risk that?”
I knew that she was right.
I didn’t want to hear this, but she was right. Maybe there’d been a small part of me that hoped Mads of all people would’ve encouraged me to do something stupid so I didn’t have to believe that Iwantedsomething I shouldn’t.
That was a coward’s way out and maybe that’s just what I was right now.
“Starting anything inappropriate with a faculty member is a recipe for disaster. I don’t have to remind you of that,” she said gently. “And when I said that you needed to relax and unwind, this isn’t exactly the kind of thing I was thinking of.”
I laughed, but even despite the weight on my shoulders feeling an iota lighter now that I’d shared the truth with Madison, I couldn’t help but feel an ache at the truth.
“I know. And you’re right. I’m sure all Lucas was going to do was tell me again how we needed to make sure we moved on and kept things strictly platonic between the two of us,” I said.
She sat up and gave me a serious look.
“Alright. And would your meeting tonight with Professor Locke also be considered platonic?” she asked with a raised eyebrow, crooking two fingers as air quotes over the last word.
A spark flickered in my gut. I remembered that moment over dinner, when he’d called me beautiful, and the look we shared outside the cafe. I thought of the way he looked in the calm, steady light of the library and the way the soft light raked across his features.
There was nothing steady about the way I felt in those moments.
“Yes,” I said, knowing damn well I was lying. But if Mads meant what she said about me being a crappy liar, then she was letting me get away with it, at least for now. She nodded, seemingly satisfied.
“Okay. Then as long as you keep it that way, you won’t have anything to worry about. You’re the most sensible person I know and it’s not even close. You made a mistake, you won’t make it again,” she said.
I tried to pretend like I believed her. I pretended all the way through getting ready for tonight, even when I selected my dress for my meeting with Ronan Locke. Midlength, structured to fit and exaggerate my curves, the perfect shade of deep green to complement my eyes and hair.
No cleavage or cut-outs but still provocative in its own way. At least provocative enough for me to know that I was playing with fire by wearing it and more than enough to know that if that was the case, I clearly had moved past caring.
I wasn’t sure of anything anymore.
I didn’t know whether I was doing this because I wanted to get back at Lucas a little bit, maybe flirt with Ronan again even though I knew I was asking for trouble. Or maybe I just genuinely enjoyed the way Ronan looked at me and I wanted to make sure I was the only one who had his eye tonight.
But this dress was my equivalent to his supposedly harmless flirting. A tease for a tease, a riposte.
I styled my hair in big curls and decided to pin half of it up in a classy updo. I threw on a pair of black strappy heels and took a black leather jacket with me just in case. Mads was out again, and fortunately wouldn’t be here to see what I was wearing and talk me out of it.
At this point, she would’ve been doing a better job of warning me than my own sense of reason.
The cab ride to The Blind Tiger was only a few minutes but it felt like an eternity. I got out and walked in before I had the chance to start questioning whether or not this was a mistake.
