That almost-innocent touch was like a high-powered magnet. Looking at Oren, flashbacks flitted through my mind, and when Ronan chuckled, I knew that I must’ve been blushing.
“This one’s feeling bold,” Ronan commented to Lucas. “Very unexpected but interesting, nonetheless, don’t you think?”
My attention immediately snapped back to Lucas.
He didn’t look amused like his friend. He looked… conflicted. I saw a few of those walls he’d let drop earlier suddenly be reconstructed right in front of me, a protective mechanism that actually pained me to witness even if I understood it. It was that realization that had me clear my throat and redirect the topic of conversation back to the original reason for this meeting.
“I’m happy that all of you agreed to see me tonight,” I started. I tried not to focus too much on any individual face, sharing my feeble smile with each of them. They all watched me intently, completely focused on me as though I were the only thing in existence and it was that understanding that drove out the last of my uncertainty. “I’ve come to a decision.”
Lucas' shoulders tensed, a subtle sign of his discomfort. Ronan remained poker-faced but by now, I knew him well enough to know that it didn’t mean much. Oren frowned, his knee bouncing under the table. He was nervous.
“I want to date you.”
The three of them stared at me.
“Are you missing half a sentence there, or…?” Ronan pressed.
I rolled my eyes. “You, Ronan. I want to date you. And Oren. And Lucas. I want to date all three of you together, at the same time. Either that or none of you at all.”
There was a beat of pure, shocked silence. I refuse to break eye contact with them, not allowing myself to feel shame or embarrassment. Ronan was the only one who, after too long, gave me the ghost of a smile. Like a teacher acknowledging their student has passed a test.
“We need time to decide.” It was Lucas’ voice that broke the quiet. He didn’t sound upset or angry, just pensive. “Can you give us that?”
“As long as you need,” I said. “This isn’t something I want to force on anyone.”
“Unless you’re hiding a weapon somewhere in that dress, I can assure you that won’t be the case,” Oren said.
“Well, I suppose we can put off talks of serious business for the rest of the evening,” Ronan said, calling over the waitress. “We do have more to catch up on besides our carnal endeavors.”
He skillfully rerouted the conversation to more casual waters, yet I couldn’t help but notice that even though the atmosphere wasn’t awkward, it was tense. I refused to overthink again though, letting myself fall into the familiar pattern of exchange between the four of us.
I’d said my piece, gave them the choice, and I wasn’t going to apologize for finally deciding on what I wanted. Not anymore.
24
~
June
“What’s your name?”
Mads looked at me as though I was being ridiculous. “How is this supposed to—?”
“Nope. Answer the question. What’s your name?” I repeated, putting my hands on her shoulders. Mads sighed but complied anyway.
“Madison Ashford.”
“Full government name.”
“Really?” she asked.
I gave her a look. She sighed again.
“Madison Elise Ashford,” she said glumly.
“Exactly.TheMadison Elise Ashford and don’t you fucking forget it,” I said. “You’ve got this.”
She looked so different to the Mads I knew; the confident, bubbly firecracker who wasn’t scared of anything or anyone. But going home for Thanksgiving was proving to test that courage.
