“I’m not that pedantic,” he said defensively.
“Not judging,” I copied his words from earlier. He smiled, then got serious again as he continued his story.
“Anyway, some friends of mine pulled up. They started shouting at me about some lake party and insisting that I was going to miss out because it was the last one for the summer. I was nineteen and stupid. Even for a control freak I just wanted to be more normal for once, have fun,” he said.
I nodded. I knew exactly what that felt like. Oren’s brow furrowed.
“I had twelve bolts left to check. I did the first sixty perfectly, I knew that. The math was solid and the safety factor was 3:!, it was practically overengineered,” he continued.
I knew where this was going. “You left.”
His grimace looked pained. “Jumped in the Jeep and left the last twelve bolts hand-tight. A couple of teenagers decided it would be a good idea to set up a dare game jumping off the bridge into the creek. It was like a giant pair of scissors, the loose bolts snapped off until the main support girder unzipped completely. Thank God no one died but they were badly injured. One of the kids ended up in a coma for weeks.”
That put so many things into a greater perspective. I now understood why Oren was so obsessed with details and data and numbers. He’d see those twelve bolts in every potential failure. I put my hand on his knee.
“It wasn’t your fault, you know that, right?” I said.
“The bridge should’ve held,” he replied, his voice so soft that I barely heard him. “And it would’ve, if I’d just finished the damn job. The numbers were right but they stay where you put them. They didn’t go to a lake party and compromise the integrity of that bridge.”
“Oren, you may have made a mistake but so did those kids. They weren’t even supposed to be there. Look, you understand math better than most. It was a bunch of variables at play, that’s all. Your choices and theirs.” I reached out and cupped the side of his face. “You’re allowed to be human. You’re allowed to breathe.”
As uncomfortable as he looked, I knew that there had to be some kind of catharsis to be able to admit it out loud. To be able to relax by just acknowledging your fallibility.
“I get that your perfectionism is your way of torquing the bolts. But I know just how exhausting it gets after a while,” I continued. I stroked my thumb across his cheek. “You’re allowed to have fun. The bridge isn’t always going to snap.”
I felt more than saw his whole body relax on an exhale. His eyes danced as he leaned into my hand, the raw vulnerability exposed there making my heart clench. This time, I took control and leaned in. The kiss was gentle at first, comforting more than anything else. But it didn’t stay that way.
I remembered how Ronan commented that Oren was the last person he would’ve thought would be foolish enough to do something like this. I had become that dangerous variable andhe’d chosen me anyway. But I wanted him to let go for once, to just feel instead of perform.
I deepened the kiss, one hand slipping to the back of his neck and holding him there. He groaned against my mouth, his tongue finding mine as his own hand ran up my thigh. When we finally broke apart, we were both breathing hard.
“Take me to bed,” I whispered, brushing my lips against his. “Let’s have some fun.”
His pupils were blown wide, a look of sheer desire on his face as he nodded wordlessly and lifted me up from the sofa, my legs wrapping around his waist. He practically walked blindly, trying to kiss my neck instead of focusing on where he was going and we had a few close calls, almost knocking into a wall or two and simply laughing it off.
When we’d slept together in his office, it’d felt intense and almost animalistic. But this felt playful and light. I loved that I could feel his ease and comfort with me, that I could return the safety he’d given me when he pushed my body to do things it hadn’t done before.
He gently laid me on his bed, then pulled away. He had a wicked grin on his face; the look of a man who had something planned. “I bought something.”
“Oh?” I asked, adjusting myself until I was leaning on my elbows. He hummed, then walked over to his bedside dresser and pulled something from a small box. My mouth dropped.
“When did you…?” I asked.
“A few weeks ago,” he confessed. “I was hoping to get the opportunity to use it on you soon.”
He passed the toy over to me and I turned it over in my hands. It was a little bullet vibrator, and from the looks of it, was more on the expensive side of things.
“How thoughtful,” I said, only half-sarcastically.
“I aim to please,” he said, leaning down to kiss me. I stopped him with a hand to his chest. He frowned. “Is everything alright? We don’t have to use it if you don’t want to.”
“No, I definitely want to use this,” I said. “But not on me. On you.”
Oren laughed. “It doesn’t quite work that way.”
“I’ll get creative with it. Nothing crazy, just… I want you to let me take the reins today.” I let my hand trail down his chest. “Please.”
He thought about it for a second. I bit my lip. “Okay. We can try that.”
