Would things have been different if I had come home that night to tell my dad what had happened? Compared to staring death down in the face, everything else seemed minimal and mundane. No problem was bigger than death, but it was too late for that now, wasn’t it?
A few more seconds passed where Cruz just held me. He rubbed my back in slow circles. For someone who grew up alone, he was great at consoling others. Maybe he learned from all the things he wished people would do for him.
“About earlier,” he began to say tentatively.
I finally looked up at his words. His eyes were guarded, waiting to see what my reaction would be.
“It was liberating,” I admitted.
“Yeah?” He flashed me a cocky smile.
“You like Micah, don’t you?” I cocked my head to the side to see what he would say.
“You like him too,” he added.
I bit my lip. “I have for a while,” I admitted. “It was a lot easier to be his friend.”
Cruz used his two fingers to tilt my chin up.
“You two were alone for a while. I bet it was easier to hold on to that friendship as a security blanket.”
When he said it like that, I guess it made sense. Micah was always there, he understood me and my life at home. And I understood the struggles he had with his dad.
“Is that what I am?” Cruz asked, sounding more vulnerable than I had ever heard him before. “A security blanket for you guys to explore?”
He watched me as I gave him my answer. His shoulders tensed as he held in a breath. A few weeks back I would have been reeling from all of the emotions that came at me from all sides, but compared to death, nothing seemed as important anymore.
“I don’t think that works when I like you too,” I admitted. It had been the right thing to say because Cruz let out a relieved smile and then leaned down to kiss me. It wasn’t needy and urgent like earlier, just a soft peck on my lips.
He pulled back with a smile on his face.
“You know, when your dad told me to come and take care of you, I don’t think this is what he had in mind.”
His statement made me laugh.
After this morning, I felt lighter.
“Come on, princess, in the shower you go while I make you some dinner.”
I reached for my phone as I stood up and grimaced when I saw all the missed notifications. My stomach dropped when I noticed that Grayson had been calling and texting me nonstop—more than Cruz and Micah.
My first instinct was to text him back, but I knew Micah was with him, and I wanted to make it up to him in person. It wasn’t fair of me to keep punishing him because of someone else’s actions.
That was another what-if that I would have to live with. If I had been brave years earlier, Livy wouldn’t have cared what I did with my life. Perhaps Gray and I could have been friends.
Living in fear, trying to appease others, had gotten me nowhere thus far. As I put my phone down and headed for a hot shower, I vowed that I would live my life doing things that made me happy no matter the consequences.
7
GRAYSON
AGE SIXTEEN
“You’ll be okay for a few days, won’t you?”
I glanced up from the counter where I was shoveling cereal into my mouth. My dad stood in the doorway, dressed in a smart suit, his hand resting on the handle of a small black suitcase.
My eyes widened as I dropped my spoon back into the bowl with a clatter. “Where are you going?” I’d only arrived in the US a month ago, and my dad was already leaving me to my own devices? Without any notice?
