I could not. If I did, I would stay. And if I stayed, I was no longer certain I would ever leave.
Dean’s hand slipped from my waist, and the loss of warmth hurt.
“I’m not gonna force this,” he said in a low voice. “I’m not gonna beg you to choose me over your whole life.”
The words nearly destroyed me, because some desperate, frightened part of me had wanted him to make this easier, to demand, insist.
To give me someone else to blame.
“You deserve better than an ultimatum.”
I closed my eyes.
“If you need space…” Dean’s voice was rough. “I’ll give it to you.”
The simple acceptance of it hurt more than resistance would have.
This was the beginning of losing him.
The thought hit so hard I physically recoiled from it.
I turned then. Dean stood only a few feet away, his hands loose at his sides, trying so hard to look steady for me that it made my chest ache.
And God?—
Looking at him, I finally understood what had been happening to me all along.
I loved him. Not safely, but enough that the realization terrified me.
Dean’s own expression flickered in response, his heartbreak restrained so carefully it almost undid me more than if he had shouted.
“I should get some ice time,” he said quietly. “I’ve got the short program tomorrow.”
I nodded, unable to trust my voice.
Then Dean hesitated, as though he was arguing with himself. His gaze dropped to the floor before meeting mine.
“But…” He exhaled softly. “If I’m being honest…” His eyes locked onto mine. “Zostan.”
Stay.
His pronunciation wasn’t perfect, not even close, but he had remembered.
The hope inside that word hit deep.
Suddenly I was back in this room nights earlier, teaching him the language between kisses and laughter and trust. Dean grinning every time he got something catastrophically wrong. Dean learning words because he assumed there would be a future in which he could use them.
Stay.
My throat closed.
Dean’s expression tightened. “I know,” he said quickly, as if he regretted saying it aloud. “I know that’s not fair.”
That was the problem. Itwasfair, because every part of me wanted to.
My chest constricted so violently it hurt to breathe.
“Luka—”
