Things under control for the moment, he went in search of Gil. He found him in the bunkhouse, sleeping or passed out. From the smell of alcohol, it must be the latter. He drained the little bit left in the bottle. Strange. The clean, unsmudged label was the same as the one Gil said was a gift. Was someone bringing him whiskey when Zach was away? Sobel? It was easy to blame their annoying neighbor, but the reality was Gil’s drinking problems existed long before Sobel showed up.
Maybe Zach should send word to Gil’s mom at the fort to come and visit her son. That usually sobered up the man for several days.
Stepping outside, he breathed in the clean air and swept his gaze over the land—the mountains, the trees in so many shades of green, and the blue sky. Peaceful. Deceptively peaceful. He recalled words from the morning sermon.The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me.Why wasn’t he able to find the peace those words offered?
He knew what Ma would say. He should stop looking at his problems and keep his eyes on Jesus. He must bear his burdens alone, with God’s help. Even though the idea scraped along his nerves, it was the path he must tread.
What woman in her right mind would want any part of this life?
Amelia called him in for the meal she’d prepared.
Pa was tired from the morning out and went upstairs to nap after he’d eaten. She put Poppy down for her afternoon sleep, then descended the stairs.
“Kat,” Amelia said, “I hate to ask it again, but could you listen for Poppy and your pa? I want to talk to your brother.”
“Gonna tell him he’s gotten too big for his britches?”
Amelia laughed. “I don’t think so.”
“Shucks.” Kat brightened. “Guess I’ll have to be the one to do it.”
“Not right now. Would you?” Amelia glanced at the rooms upstairs.
“Sure. Can we have cookies when they wake up?”
“Yes. Even if I’m back, you can have them.”
Zach studied Amelia. What was it she wanted to tell him? Likely that she’d had enough of his crazy life and was going to stay in town. The Stones would welcome her if they had anempty room. Was it wrong of him to wish they still didn’t? That a needy or ill person occupied each sleeping place?
“Shall we?” She waited at the door.
He joined. “What did you have in mind?”
“A walk. I know the morning was difficult for you, and I thought a change of scenery would help.”
He glanced around. “Looks the same to me.” He meant to be funny, but really, he sought to hide how much he wished he could change things for the better.
“And you couldn’t ask for anything more beautiful.”
“I suppose not. I don’t wish to change the landscape.”
“But you wish you could change the circumstances of your life?”
They passed the barn, apparently retracing their steps to his ma’s favorite place. He didn’t respond. What could he say that didn’t sound like whining? A man didn’t whine.
They reached the flowers and sat side by side on the slope.
“It’s beautiful and peaceful here. I expect that’s why your ma said it was her favorite spot.”
He leaned over his knees. “It was her special place to think and pray.”
“What did she do in the wintertime?”
Zach had to think. “I remember her sitting in the rocking chair and knitting or mending. Often, she seemed lost in thought, and we had to call her a couple of times to get her attention.”
“She sounds serene.”
“That describes her all right.”
