Zach had nothing but troubles and trials to offer. He could hardly blame her for being anxious to leave.
The pain in his chest increased. He pressed his hand to it, but it didn’t help.
Being able to talk to her about his life, to tell her about his day, to walk with her and enjoy the scenery with her, had done a lot to make his life more bearable.
How was he to go back to dealing with all this on his own?
Chapter Ten
Amelia stared at the flowers without seeing them. Zach thought the Dakota farmer was ideal for her. In a sense, he was. His farm sounded like the one she’d loved as a child. His life sounded simpler than here on the ranch. Wasn’t that everything she wanted for Poppy?
And yet, if Zach asked her, she would stay. Instead, he urged her to think of the Dakota farmer as if he couldn’t wait for her to leave. Why couldn’t he admit he needed her? Gil couldn’t be counted on to be sober enough to make one meal a day, let alone three. And as to watching Pa and making sure he didn’t wander away… well, Zach might as well ask Poppy to do it.
Amelia did all that day in and day out. Cheerfully and willingly. Wasn’t Zach aware of that?
Yes, he needed her. But she wanted more than that. She longed for him to desire her. Even if she did none of the things she’d just listed, couldn’t he allow her a little corner of his heart?
She picked a bluebell and studied it. These sturdy little flowers bloomed despite the drought and winds. She must do the same. Whether in the Northwest Territories of Canada or the Dakota Territories. No matter where she went or whatchallenges she encountered, the Lord was with her. Life was made for living, loving, and laughing, if one chose that way.
She silently repeated that sentence several times, hoping to embed it in her brain, hoping it would erase everything else. Even if her wishes weren’t fulfilled, it was her choice to either be grateful for the future ahead of her or bemoan what lay behind. To wallow in regrets and frustrated dreams or to embrace a generous offer from the Dakota farmer.
Easing air into her tight chest again and again until the muscles relaxed, she let her worries and disappointments slip away. God loved her no matter where she made her home and no matter who she shared it with. She would choose to trust Him to guide and direct her path and to uphold her by His righteous right hand.
Laughing, she bounced to her feet and grabbed Zach’s hand, ran down the slope into the middle of the flowers, where she stopped, took both his hands, leaned back, and swung them in a circle.
He offered no protest, and they circled wildly until she was out of breath. His eyes were dark, full of laughter. “What’s come over you?”
“Life.” She told him how she realized it didn’t matter where she was or what life sent her way, the Lord was with her. Would he understand his refusal to admit her into his life was part of what she struggled to accept… forced her to dig deep to find the source of joy that came from knowing God would never leave her nor forsake her?
Peace eased through her as she said, “It’s a shame to let disappointments and challenges rob us of happiness. Life and love and laughter are meant to be enjoyed.”
They stood a foot apart, in a green bowl of land, surrounded by many-hued flowers, a canopy of blue sky above them. Shesmiled at him, wanting him to realize he, too, could enjoy life despite the heavy burdens he bore.
“Life, love, and laughter, you say?”
She nodded, letting his hungry gaze search hers. Would he see, understand, and accept all that her words meant?
He grinned at her and pulled her after him as he ran up the hill and across the prairie, not slowing until they reached a grove of trees. He lifted his hands over his head and laughed.
She bent over, trying to catch her breath. When her lungs no longer struggled for air, she joined his laughter. He caught her hand again.
“Tell me we aren’t having another race,” she said.
“Nope, but we’re going to enjoy a bit of life and laughter.”
But he’d left out “love.” “How are we going to do that?”
“By playing.” He dropped her hand and, still facing her, danced away. “See if you can catch me.”
She stared at him.
“Have you forgotten how to play?” he teased.
“It’s been a long time.” She pretended to give the idea serious consideration, then leaped toward him.
He sidestepped behind a tree. She reached for him, but he darted from tree to tree as she chased.
She laughed so hard that she finally collapsed to the ground.
