‘OK, which means what?’
‘I can’tleave.I can go to a certain point in the grounds, but then…’ Kade exhales roughly, hates talking about this.‘You know what agoraphobiais, right?’
‘Yes,’ Lachlan says, confidently critical.‘But I’ve never heard of—’
‘I get this intense pain in my ears, then I start feeling dizzy and sick.If I get too far from the Tower, I can barely stay standing.I guess it’s because of the trauma from…’ He scowls harder.‘Whatever happened seven years ago.The point is, I can’t leave.I’m not authorised to leave the grounds and even if I was, physically, I don’t think I can.’
Tears sting behind his eyes for numerous reasons.
Admitting any kind of weakness is always a brittle thing.Kade has to be careful not to cut himself on the sharper parts of himself, but it’s more than pride or shame.It’s the grief of it too.The dreams he has about the city.Dancing, just like Lachlan said.Seeing places beyond the Tower and the surrounding woods.He kept hoping it would improve with time, but whenever he tries sneaking beyond the grounds, the symptoms hit hard.The first few times he barely managed to make it back under his own steam.The last time, Riley came to find him collapsed and brought him back inside.That was humiliating enough that he stopped trying afterwards.The medics all insist it’s common in people who’ve suffered severe TBIs.
But God, he hates it.
Kade sniffs, forcibly levels himself out and then looks at Lachlan, whose gaze has gone from openly confused to quietly horrified.
‘I mean, don’t get all choked up.’
‘Is it a specific distance?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Is it roughly the same distance away from the Tower?’
‘I can walk the grounds fine.It’s only ever when I try to leave.The medic I spoke to about it said that to leave a place of safety can induce a trauma response.’
‘Do the others leave via the grounds?’
‘No, of course not.They leave via the tunnels, with permission.’
‘And you’ve never had permission.’
‘I’ve beenout,Tanner,’ he snaps.
‘In a car?’
‘Yes.’
‘Not on foot?’
‘Oh my God, you’re so boring.Can we stop—?’
‘Show me the boundary.’
‘What?’
‘The point you can’t go beyond.Show it to me.’
Kade grits his teeth.‘Forget for a second that I’mhardlygonna give you a guided tour of Iron Star’s security—’
‘Which I steamrolled.’
‘—but did you not hear what I just said?I getsickif I try.It hurts.’
‘So just point me to it.’
‘Why?’
‘Because,’ Lachlan says, voice hoarse, ‘I think maybe an old friend of mine has helped your boss build some of the Tower’s security.’
