‘What youareis a pain in my ass,’ Lachlan informs him, taking hold of his wrist.‘We’re both going to be in trouble unless you come upstairs.’
‘I want it to be you.’
Lachlan stops but doesn’t let go.
He understands immediately, it’d be impossible not to.
‘You’re a child.’He knows Jules will argue, so he keeps going.‘You’re my charge, my responsibility, and we both know you deserve better than me.’
‘I don’t know that, and even if it was true—’
‘It is.’
‘—I won’t get to make the choice anywhere but here.’
Lachlan holds his gaze, stays close.
It’s always such a tightrope with this boy.
‘It can’t be me.’
‘Why not?’
‘Setting aside howIfeel—’
‘I’ll make it good for you.Whatever you want.’
‘Don’t youeversay thatto anyone,’ Lachlan warns sharply.‘Don’t debase yourself for someone who should crawl over broken glass just to get near you.’
‘Like you did?’
‘Tungsten isn’t glass, and sex complicates things.’
‘You fucked Fenwick and you hated him.’
‘And itcomplicatedthings.’
‘My whole life is complicated.’Jules makes a strange face, under siege by a flutter of many emotions that have no place to land.‘I just want to feel something new.Something for me.You can pretend.’
‘Julian, stop it.’
‘You pretended forherwhen she asked, didn’t you?’
‘That’s not the same.’
‘Because she’s not me?’
‘Listen, when your father leaves in September, I willletyou go out.I’ll orchestrate it so you can have some time away from here.’
‘Great, so I get to fuck the first person I see in a club.’
‘It’ll be your choiceifthat’s what you want.’
‘I want you, Bodyguard.’
‘You can’t have me.’
Jules seems exquisitely caught between hitting Lachlan or arguing harder, but both fizzle and die under the downpour of his own innate melancholy.He masters himself regardless, and disappointment for expecting more seems to be at the root of his watery rot.
