‘They were never gonna do that and I needed the money.’
‘Which I appreciate.’Silence grows between them.Margot stares down at her glass.‘God, I really wanna say something nice, like she was proud of you deep down or whatever but…’
‘It’s fine,’ he says, clipped but not unkind.‘She never hid how she felt.’
Margot pours herself another.‘I know it was an accident, Lachlan, but I just don’t know how you let it happen,’ she says tightly.
‘What?’
‘Your dad used to push me on the swing and tell me all the birds sang for me.’Margot exhales shakily, wipes her eyes.‘I really loved him, y’know?And Iknowit was an accident, but you should have been more careful.I still miss him.I’m sad the kids won’t ever get to meet him.’
Lachlan’s lip curls.‘I’m not.’
Margot winces.‘Christ, Lachlan.Really?’
‘You have no idea how it was.’
‘Come on.I know he wasn’t the perfect father, but you killedhim.’She swallows.‘You weren’t careful.That’s all I’m saying.We all know you did the right thing in enlisting.You put your skill where it paid off but I just wish you hadn’t made that mistake.’
He watches her drink.
A violent sense of pure injustice sears from its bone confines, locked away, locked up, Penhalyx’s jewelled bladescrapedthe bars but nothing more.Lachlan surveys her, waits until she sets the glass down before he speaks.
‘It wasn’t an accident.’
Margot’s eyes widen.‘What?’
‘You heard me.’
‘You…why?’
‘Believe whatever you want, Margot.Bury your head in the sand like she did.But don’t stand there and call it a mistake just because the truth makes you uncomfortable.If I’m the killer in the family, don’t labour under the delusion of it being accidental.I don’t make mistakes.I wanted it to stop, so I stopped it.My dad was a fuckingmonster,and I killed him.That’s all there is.’
His cousin stares.Music plays from next door.Her kids are laughing.
He makes to leave but she stops him.‘Wait, are you serious?’
‘Yeah.’
‘He…?’
‘Yeah.’
‘I never knew.I.Fuck.’She exhales roughly, cheeks red.‘I can’t believe it.I just.Fuck me, I’m so sorry, man.I just.Ineverthought…’
‘It’s fine.It was a long time ago.’
‘No,no,it’s not fine.’Tears fill her eyes.‘Lachlan, I knew your contract was bad.I should never have let you sign it.I should have stopped you.’
‘We needed the money.I get it.’
‘No, please.Let me apologise.’
‘You don’t have to.’
‘I want to.Ineed to.I didn’t know.Jocelyn didn’t know either, I promise you.If she did, she would have—’
‘Look, it doesn’t matter, OK?’he interrupts because he can’t stand her pity.‘I don’t wanna talk about it.’He forces a smile.‘Tell me about life in the suburbs.’
