‘I don’tcarewhat’s easy for you!You’re the one who ruined everything in the first place!You let those kids get taken, youlether die, you let him…’ Kade steps away, hand in his hair, clutching, ‘become this… whatever the fuck I am.Brightling, broken glass, I don’t fucking know anymore but I was thebestuntil you got here and tore my whole fucking life apart and now I’m nothing,and you… you’re just gonna die anyway so what was the point?’
‘God, you’re still so selfish.’
‘Selfish?!’
‘Selfish!’Lachlan snaps for the first time, and it flashes angry and bright in his eyes, tone sharp.‘You’re a selfish brat and you always were.Do you have any idea how many lives were ended, ruined,stolenbecause of—’
‘How fucking dare you make that my fault?’
‘—how much I love you?Huh?Anyidea?No.You don’t know what I did to protect you and her.The things I did to keep you safe.You have no clue and I’m glad for it, but to hear you whine about howinconvenientit is to have your make-believe world interrupted by some fucking reality is truly something, kid.’He laughs, bitter and bewildered.‘Fuck me, all I haveever doneis protect you and all you ever did was punish me for it!I loved you then and I love you now, no matter what, but fucking hell, it’s hard to love you sometimes and it was never like that with her.She didn’thate mefor caring.She didn’t resent me for making you both safe!’
‘BECAUSE SHE DIDN’T KNOW ANY BETTER!’
Kade’s voice echoes around the slowly darkening woods.
He regrets the words as soon as they come out of his mouth, but he can’t take it back.It feels wrong.Cruel.
Lachlan stares ahead at the boundary Kade feared to approach for years.
‘You’re right,’ he agrees quietly.‘And I didn’t mean to, but I messed up your life here, you’re right about that too.’Dead behind the eyes, Kade knows it all too well.Shut down, shut off, shut it behind steel and lock it away.Pain can be disconnected, all kinds.‘I’m sorry.Let me give you the book and I’ll leave.’
‘Oh, fuckoff.Don’t sulk!’
‘I’m not.You’re right.’
‘I’m just angry, OK?Don’t pull this moody, self-deprecating—’
Lachlan walks away.
Kade is a mess of crossed-wire confusion.
Despite everything, he follows Lachlan through the trees, slows when he reaches what he senses was the boundary but pushes on and lets relief do what it can to repair the damage done over the years.
Dread and fear have to come apart one brick at a time.
No sickness, no dizziness, no inner ear agony.
Lachlan gave him that at least.
‘Wait up,’ he calls out, but Lachlan doesn’t.The trees thicken, leading downhill, steep and thorny, until Kade sees a small backroad and a dark van parked further down.‘Bodyguard!’
Lachlan opens the rear doors and climbs inside while Kade hangs back, unsure of himself.It’s a horrible feeling he hasn’t had much experience with.His life has always been certain, solid, master of his own fate, thebest.
‘Is this the famous van, then?’he tries, aiming for levity but Lachlan doesn’t answer.He’s rifling around inside before he emerges, holding a thick, black book.‘Look, you don’t have to—’
‘Here.’
Lachlan holds it out with one hand, passively expectant.
Kade is this close to saying some shit like,well I don’t even want it now, but he knows they need this, his boss needs it at the very least.
You don’t fuck with Lee, everyone knows that.
He takes it, surprised that it feels like a normal book.No rush of energy, no gleaming light, no visiblemagic, or whatever.
‘Thanks.’Lachlan closes the door with a hard slam and then heads around to the driver’s side.Kade’s insides arewringingand writhing.‘So that’s it?’
No answer.
