‘I called yousweetheart.’Jules’ cheeks instantly stain rose red.He must hate to have such an obvious tell.‘And I called you…baby,I think.Right?’
‘Yeah, you did.’
‘I’m sorry.’
‘I don’t want you to be sorry.’
‘What do you want?’
‘Tell me why you said it.’
It’d be so much easier to lie.Lachlanshouldlie; he knows it.
But he doesn’t.‘It just felt natural, that’s why I said it.’
‘I’mnotyour sweetheart or your baby, though.’
‘I don’t know why it happens when I’m stressed, I think it’s…’ Lachlan digs deep, but nottoodeep because beneath the surface sits a difficult truth he’s terrified to confront.‘I try really hard to respect your boundaries and when you’re in danger, I mess up sometimes and I’m sorry.’
‘So you’re just treating me like her?’
No.‘Yeah, I suppose.’
‘You don’t love me though.You don’t even like me.’
‘Jules,’ he sighs, shaking his head.‘That’s fucking crazy to say.’
‘Is it?Is it fucking crazy,really?’
‘Yes.’
‘You’recivilwith me.’
‘I’m trying to walk the line.’
‘You love hersomuch and I have to see it every single day and I just…’ Jules gives a tiny sob, knees raised to lean his head as he curls up.‘I want to know how it feels.I want toknow, even if it’s just pretend.I don’t mind if it’s make-believe.Pretending isn’t lying.’
‘Jules…’
‘I wanna know what it feels like to be loved that way.’
Lachlan’s throat is full of thorns.‘What way?’
‘Unconditionally.’
There’s never any good path with this one.
No matter which way he tries, Lachlan always ends up hurting Jules down the line.Intentional or otherwise, it’s like he’s fated to inflict some kind of pain.
‘I’m sorry.’Lachlan lightly strokes Jules’ wet hair.
The boy flinches at the unexpected touch but only at first.
He doesn’t pull away, doesn’t snap at him to stop.
Lachlan trusts that he would if he wanted.
‘I never had anything…anyone… that was mine.’
