But he can’t.
Hecan’tlet go of him.
Cannot let Jules think this either.
‘Look at me.’
‘Don’t give me the pity routine.’
‘Jules, I wasn’t pretending.’
‘Iaskedyou to pretend!’he yells, voice unstable under the weight of so much, all of it in tail-spin distress.He tries to pull away but Lachlan won’t let him.‘I fucking asked!And you did what I asked, and it means a lot that you did, but I can’t take you ending it like this, I just can’t.’
Rough hands gentled by restraint tip Jules’ chin upward, trying to make him look, trying to make himsee, as though the sight of Lachlan himself could prove something he should, in all good conscience, deny forever.
‘I wasn’t pretending.’
‘Please stop.Just stop it.I don’t want this.I can’t handlethis.Break my heart, but do it fast, Bodyguard.Don’t soften the blow.Don’t do that.’
‘I wouldn’t do that,’ Lachlan says, still holding his face, but those honey eyes won’t meet his own.‘I’mnotdoing that.I wasn’t pretending.’
‘I asked you to.’
‘You thought I was making out with you on yourorders?Just giving you what you wanted?’
‘I…’ Jules’ eyes close tight, tears falling.‘Ihopedit wasn’t.’
‘Do you really think so little of yourself?’
‘You never liked me.’
‘You’re a pain in my professional ass.That’s got nothing to do with—’
‘I thought I felt it,’ Jules whispers, eyes still closed.Lachlan’s thumb swipes over his cheek, rubbing tears into skin to dry them but his face is wet no matter what he tries.This sodden, sulky creature who feels so deeply.‘When we kissed, I thought I felt something but… it’s not enough to trust.’
‘What is?’
‘Bodyguard, don’t do this, please.’
‘What is enough to trust?Huh?I love you.’
Lachlan shrugs off his jacket, opens his shirt.
‘What are you—?’He claps Jules’ hand right over his heart, pressing.
‘Feel it,’ Lachlan tells seriously, ‘feel the rhythm.A lie makes a double beat.’
Big, wet eyes so full of things he shouldn’t have to feel open to latch onto Lachlan.Jules’ hand is warm and sweaty.Lachlan holds his gaze.
He lets what is professional in him die a little more.
It has to, so he can make space.
‘I love you.’
Jules’ fingers flex a little over his heart.
Lachlan takes a slow breath, caresses his face.
