It’s not fucking OK because Lachlan wants to cry.
He wants to sleep for a year and wake to find Roman alive.
He wants to go back knowing what was coming to avoid it this time, to do it all right because if he had done it right, done better,thennone of this—
‘It’s OK,’ Jules tells him, hugging Lachlan.Jules is taller than Lachlan now, just a fraction of an inch but it doesn’t matter because he’s taller and stronger and better in every way possible.Lachlan’s one fuckingusein this world was to be a stone-cold killer, but he’s nothing but a lukewarm failure with blood on his hands that’ll never wash off.‘It’ll pass if you let it.’
It’s a lie.Lachlan loves him for trying.
?
Shark dreams begin to plague him.Each one is terrifying, drawn in shades of inevitability and primal terror.
The Estate floods, sharks in every room.
Mimi’s pool has sharks in it.
Lachlan takes the kids out on a boat that sinks, sharks waiting beneath.
All ways, all places, always fucking sharks.
It gets so bad that three weeks after Roman died, Blaire asks Lachlan outright why he’s not sleeping.
‘Bad dreams,’ he answers moodily while they share breakfast and organise their day.Vasily is playing outside with Mimi.Jules is with Savannah.
‘Such as?’
‘Doesn’t matter.’He pushes away his plate, can’t eat.She’s staring at him, eyebrow cocked.Lachlan rolls his eyes.‘Sharks.’
‘Sharks signify—’
‘I don’t care what they fucking signify.It’s not some bullshitmetaphor.There was a…’ Oh God, now he’s sweating and his eyes are stinging and his mouth is flooding with saliva.
Fuck.
Lachlan turns sideways in his chair, drops his head low so he doesn’t pass out.This kind of thing cannot be tempered by the Neiguan pressure point.He knows because he’s tried.It just has to pass.
It’ll pass if you let it.
Head between the knees will do for now.
Blaire kneels in front of him.
‘I’m fine,’ he tells her, closing his eyes and seeing sunrise on red water back when he still hadtimeto save Roman Sorrenko and didn’t know it.
‘Lachlan,’ she says seriously.‘I’m worried about you.’
‘I’m OK, really.’
‘Have you ever had nightmares before?’
‘Not like this.’
‘Tell me about it.’
‘It’s more’n one.Every single night.’
‘Tell me?’
