They’re sitting on the edge of the biggest pool.
Blaire’s legs are in the water.
Lachlan’s aren’t.
‘Yeah, I really amspoilingthe six-year-old who’s never seen anyone her own age, who hasn’t left these grounds since birth.’
‘You wilfully misunderstand.’
‘No, I think I get it, thanks.’
‘Lachlan,’ Blaire intones quietly.‘She’ssix.You’ve seen what she draws.’
‘She draws rainbows and foxes and castles.’
‘And bodies and guns and blood.’
‘She’s a kid.They draw crazy stuff!’
‘How would either of us know that?’
‘Should we keep her weak?Let her be afraid of everything?’
‘There’s a line between letting her fear the dark and baptising her in it.’
He stares sullenly at the four people in the water.
‘She’llneverbe afraid of the dark.’
‘Do you think I’m stupid?’Blaire asks after several tense beats.
‘I’m not in the mood for this.’
‘The distance, the pullback, theresearch.Teaching Mimi about money.Teaching her how to kill—’
‘I’mnotteaching her how to kill, she’s minuscule!’
‘Letting Danya take over with Jules.It’s so obvious what you’re doing, Lachlan, and you either know that and don’t care how hurtful it is, or you don’t realise because you’re a fucking idiot.’
‘What am I doing, Blaire?What the fuck am I doing beyond trying to keep everyone as safe as possible?Christ, forgive me for not being the perfect role-model for a maladapted kid who has a trauma-bonded older brother and two employees where there should be parents.Forgive me for outsourcing training to someone who’s more capable than I am.Please lend me your mercy for working myself to the fucking bone to give everyone the tools they need to survive what lies ahead!’
Blaire is silent for a while.
Lachlan’s outburst rings in his ears.
He doesn’t know how she can stand to keep her legs in the water like that, and the sight of the kids splashing and playing makes him feel physically sick.
Eventually, Blaire says, ‘I’d forgive you for anything,’ and then slips into the water to go be with the kids, ‘except dying.’
?
She’s right.
She’salwaysfucking right.
Lachlan is pulling away from everyone except Mimi who will need him up until his last breath.For everyone else, he tells himself, early distance strengthens them.Pulling away from Jules means Jules will bond with Danya, he’ll forge meaningful relationships with Vasily and Savannah, hopefully lifelong.Lachlan is aware that the more he becomes involved with Jules, the more it isolates Jules from healthier relationships.
And Blaire’s instincts are, of course, spot on.
