“Don’t do it, Pan.”
“Why not?”
Karma reclined on her opulent blue-velvet fainting couch. “Because she’ll eat you alive.”
Not to be discouraged, Pan laughed. “She’ll never get past my horns or my hooves. They’re very hard to digest.”
Fate, who was looking on from Karma’s matching armchair, rolled her eyes. “It’s an expression, you goof.”
“I’m not a goof. She doesn’t make mistakes.”
Both Fate and Karma burst out laughing.
Pan could see he wasn’t going to get anywhere with these two. He would simply have to go around them and approach Gaia directly. She seemed to appreciate the direct approach anyway.
“Well, thanks for your input. I’ll be going now.”
“Wait,” Karma said.
But before she could try to talk him out of it, he popped into the ether. If he went to the GAIA office building in Boston, he’d have to make an appointment and wait around for her. Goddess knew how long that would take. She could let him sit there forever. Some of the gods hung out and played cards all day, but that wasn’t for him. He wanted to have some fun, and if he could get her to have a little fun with him, he’d be a shoo-in. If anyone needed fun…
Now where was she? “If I were Gaia, where would I be?” Somehow he realized an Eastern European brothel might not be the right answer. That’s where he’d be, if he could be anywhere.Would she come if I call her?
There was only one way to find out. “Gaia? Gaia, I need to speak with you—in private.”
The white-haired goddess appeared but not in front of him or beside him. She hovered a few feet above him.
“What is it, Pan?”
“Ah! Delightful to see you, Goddess. Can we go somewhere pretty and talk?”
She gave him the side-eye but eventually said, “Sure.”
The two of them materialized in a forest. It didn’t take long for him to realize the forest was in the tropics. Warm, heavy mist covered most of the early morning landscape, and a parrot cawed in the palm tree over their heads.
“Have a seat,” she said, pointing to a wet log.
“Uh, this isn’t exactly what I had in mind.”
“No? You don’t like my rain forest?”
“Well, it’s not that I dislike it. It’s just a little damp. Tropical is fine, but how about a sunny beach? Or better yet, a boat at sunset?”
She folded her arms, but they didn’t change location. “You wanted to speak to me privately. You can do it here better than on a crowded beach or boat.”
He sighed and sat his hairy bottom on the damp log. “Okay.”
She sat beside him but not close enough to touch.
Oh well. I’d better get to the point.He knew she wasn’t the most patient goddess. “The reason I was hoping for a more romantic spot is that I wanted to ask you out.” He smiled, and a bouquet of mixed tropical blooms appeared in his hand. He extended it to her, but she just looked at it.
“You cut down my flowers.”
“Only a few of them…”
“A few here. A few there. Before you know it, fields of flowers disappear.”
“Fine. I’ll put them back.” The bouquet disappeared, and so did his smile. This wasn’t going well at all.
