“Relax. You’ve already accomplished your two most important jobs for the night.”
“Really? Like what?”
“You got the artwork done and delivered on time. That’s number one. And second, you’re here, you’re presentable, and you’re prepared to stay the entire time.” She narrowed her eyes. “Wait… Youareprepared to stay the entire time, aren’t you?”
Shit.Her deer in the headlights look must have given her away. “Of course! I wouldn’t leave unless…well, unless there’s an emergency.”Like a monkey crashing the show.
“If for any reason you need to leave, even for a bathroom break and a cigarette, find me first and let me know how long you’ll be. That way, if someone wants to speak to the artist, I can tell them when you’ll be back. Giving a vague answer is inconsiderate of their time. And remember, anyone can show up at any time with any agenda. Your duty is to be available or accounted for the entire time. Remember, this is a commitment. And it only lasts hours, not days or weeks.”
“It sounds like you’re thinking I could be discovered and become the next Peter Max or somebody famous.”
She shrugged. “Things like that can happen. That’s why youmustmake yourself available to the people you don’t know. You can see your friends anytime. And if some old gasbag wants to monopolize you, be discreet, but excuse yourself and mingle.”
She giggled. “How do I do that?”
“Just say something like, ‘Oh, I must say hello to a friend I haven’t seen in a while.’ You may have seen her yesterday, but saying ‘a while’ is truthful enough to sound convincing.”
Mallory nodded but still felt like she had no business being here. Suddenly, another horrible thought occurred to her. What if she was talking to someone she didn’t know and then was discovered talking to herself! It hadn’t happened lately, but what if it did?Oh God.She wanted to drop her head in her hands and cry.
“Basically,” Helen continued, “keep the traffic moving, keep conversations basic and answers short. That way, you maximize introductory opportunities as well as the potential to add to your fan base. Always speak in everyday language anyone can understand, especially when you’re talking to someone you’ve never talked to before. Don’t try to sound highbrow.”
Mallory laughed. “There’s little chance of that. I’m your garden-variety average American girl who happens to have a bachelor’s degree in fine art.”
Helen smiled. “You’re perfect. Very relatable. People will love you, and that’s exactly what we want. Oftentimes, people buy art because they like the artist, not because they’re wild about the art. Resist the urge to tell people more than they want to hear, and avoid answering questions with insider art jargon that only MFAs can understand. The best idea is to answer all questions in thirty seconds or less. The longer your answers, the fewer people you’ll have time to talk to. If someone wants to hear your life story, tell them you’ll be happy to get into it later, after the opening, and hand them your card.”
“My…card?”
“Oh dear. You don’t have any with you?”
“Uh, no. I didn’t know I needed any.”
Helen reached into her drawer and extracted some business cards. “Here. You can give any interested parties one of mine, and I’ll get in touch with you.”
Mallory took the cards and tucked them in her dress pocket. “Thank you.” She’d thought the pockets were a great idea in case she needed something to do with her hands. Now, it seemed like stuffing her hands in her pockets and standing around would be a mistake. Jeez, this whole thing seemed like a mistake.
“Oh, I almost forgot…” Helen said. “Most importantly, avoid the tendency to be argumentative or to correct anyone who misinterprets your art or sees it differently than you do. Everyone is entitled to their opinions, especially around art.”
“Got it.”
“Any questions?”
“I feel like I have a million, but I don’t know what they are.”
Helen laughed. She patted Mallory’s hand as she rose from her desk. “You’ll be fine. Just don’t drink too much. Stay sober for the show, and party your brains out later.”
It was Mallory’s turn to laugh. It was bad enough picturing her monkey running around, but a drunken monkey? Not. Happening.
“Well, I need to go check on some things,” Helen said. “If you’d like to relax with your young man for a while, you’re welcome to stay here in my office. Or go for a stroll. It’s a nice evening. Just be back at least five minutes early. Not one minute after that.”
“I guess I’d better stay right here. I don’t want to blow it by being late.”
“No,” Helen said seriously. “You don’t.” She left the office without a backward glance.
Mallory was terrified. Her first, and possibly last, gallery show was about to begin. At least no ghosts had shown up since they’d seen Kurt. Maybe the wizard was able to break one of her two curses. She just hoped her crazy little monkey didn’t make an appearance.
She had been practicing the self-hypnosis techniques she had learned from the hypnotherapist. She just needed to remember to use them when she started to panic.Beforeshe started to panic, if possible. Once the panic took hold and the shaking started…Pop goes the monkey.
Mallory glanced at the clock on the wall.Oh God. Half an hour.She closed her eyes and took several deep breaths. Picturing herself in the woods, walking beside a stream, she listened to the babbling brook. She did as the hypnotist had suggested and immersed herself in the pleasant setting completely. Smelling the fresh pine-scented air, she felt the sun on her shoulders and the top of her head, then she let the warmth flow through her whole body. After that, she lost track of time and her immediate surroundings. Time was irrelevant. Gallery shows were…not irrelevant, but not the end of the world either.
