Just give me a few minutes, baby…
He didn’t lie to me.He meant to pleasure me.
But he needs to sleep.He hasn’t slept much.
Neither have I.
And I can’t sleep now.
We lie there for a while, our bodies tangled together, hearts beating slow and steady.
When I’m sure Hawk has drifted off, I slide away and return to the living room where I left my purse.I take out my phone and arrange for a rideshare to meet me about a block away from Hawk’s place at three a.m.
I could stay later, but I can’t risk Hawk waking up when I leave.
I return to the bedroom with my phone.I’d set an alarm, but again, I can’t risk Hawk waking.
No matter, I won’t sleep anyway.
I snuggle back into him.
“Mmm…” he says.“Missed you.”
“Just went to the bathroom,” I whisper against his ear.“I’m here now.”
“Don’t you ever leave.”He pulls me close to him and lets out a soft snore.
His heartbeat thuds lightly against my hand on his chest.Steady.Safe.Everything I’ve ever wanted and will never be able to keep.
My heart is full and broken at the same time.
* * *
At two-thirty,I carefully move Hawk’s arm from around my waist.
For a moment, I let myself think about the life we might have had together.
I imagine him stirring awake beside me, hair mussed, that sleepy grin I’ve come to love.I picture him making breakfast—eggs, maybe, or pancakes.He’d kiss the syrup off my fingers.
I imagine a life where that’s all we are—two people with nowhere else to be.
Then the dream grows bigger.A wedding, something small and bright.White lights strung over Hawk’s deck.Raven as my maid of honor and sweet Belinda as my flower girl.
Then children, at least three.Two boys with my dark eyes and a little girl with Hawk’s blue ones.They’re running barefoot through tall grass, chasing fireflies.Hawk’s voice calls them in at dusk.The sound is so vivid it hurts.
And after that—travel.France, Spain, Italy.
I’d eat my way through the world—bread in Paris, olives in Madrid, paella in Barcelona, bulgogi in Seoul, sake in Tokyo.Cooking classes with each trip.
I live a lifetime in this moment.
Until reality crashes back in like a tidal wave.
Memories.The girl in my father’s office.The one who looked like Belinda.Her eyes, wide and terrified.The gun.My father’s voice sayingchoose.
I’ll never forget her scream when they dragged her away.
I swallow hard.The air suddenly feels too thick to breathe.I turn and look at Hawk’s face, peaceful in sleep, and my heart breaks cleanly in two.
