I grind my teeth. “Of course I love her. You know that. I’m in love with her.”
River sighs. “You can’t have both.”
My laugh is short and sharp. “You think I don’t know that?You think I haven’t been torturing myself with it every second since Jake stepped through that door?”
“I’m not judging you,” River says. “I’m warning you.”
I face him, my chest tight and hollow all at once. “I love Sienna. I do. She’s everything beautiful and bright in a world that keeps falling apart. She looks at me like I’m worth something.”
River nods. “So what’s the problem?”
“The problem,” I whisper, “is that I never stopped loving Jake. And now that he’s back, it feels like my entire world just shifted again. And I hate that it feels that way.”
River sighs. “You’re not the only one who lost something.”
I narrow my eyes. “Please say you’re not talking about yourself.”
“No,” he says. “All of us. We all lost pieces of ourselves when Jake disappeared. I just knew he was still breathing. You didn’t. That’s my crime, Brett. Not telling you.”
“Yeah,” I say, voice raw. “And it was a hell of a crime.”
Another silence stretches between us. Less jagged now, more resigned. River’s hand is still at his jaw, but he hasn’t moved to leave. Neither have I.
“She doesn’t know,” I say eventually. “Sienna. About Jake. About my feelings. I haven’t told her.”
River raises an eyebrow. “Are you going to?”
“I don’t know. I never thought it was an issue. He was fucking dead.”
“You should tell her.”
“I know.”
I shove my hands into the pockets of my shorts, trying to keep from shaking. “He looks the same. Older, obviously. Rougher. But the way he smiled… God, it was like no time had passed.”
“That’s the dangerous part,” River says. “Because it has.”
I nod, staring at the horizon. “I need time.”
“You have it,” River says. “But not forever.”
He walks back toward the house, leaving me standing alone under sun, with nothing but the scent of jasmine, the sound of waves, and the ghost of a man I never stopped loving.
EPISODE 209
RIDERS ON THE STORM
Sienna
“Lord,” I say to Emily. “Look what’s coming.”
June saunters towards us, clad only in the same damned towel she’s had on since… Well, all day as far as I can tell.
“What happened to Misty?” she asks. “Sebastian and Alex brought her out to the deck to have Darby take a look at her.”
Emily rolls her eyes.
“She’s dehydrated,” I offer. “But is the doctor seriously going to examine Misty on the deck?”
