Promise me that one doesn’t go anywhere Violet? I can never let Billie get their hands on this photo.
I feel my stomach drop. Is this who he’s trying to impress? Maybe I’ll finally get to the bottom of why he suggested we pretend to be together this summer. I force myself to ask, my voice croaking a little bit, Who’s Billie?
Finn’s face lights up. My best friend, who has been trying to get me in drag since they started—and this particular shirt is a wee bit too close for my liking.
They. I piece this together.
So, your best friend is a non-binary drag— I stumble. I was about to say drag queen but if they’re non-binary…
Finn smirks, seeing the confusion on my face, and finishes my sentence. Drag performer, yes. I must be staring at him because he says, Are you surprised, Violet? He doesn’t let me respond before he continues, shaking his head and whispering low in my ear, So many assumptions from you.
His tone is teasing, but there’s an undercurrent of something akin to this: you think so little of me.
I have to admit I do feel surprised. I guess I pictured him with a lot of other fit, sports-loving athletic types. But would those kinds of people actually be like-minded to Finn?
I think about what I know about him, which to be fair, isn’t very much. There have been a lot of assumptions made on my part.
I feel ashamed of myself, there’s no other way to put it.
You’re right, I say slowly. I did assume… the worst of you, I guess. But people who look like you Finn, are often shallow and can act a certain kind of way. And to be fair, you are a bit of a dick sometimes, even you know that.
He smiles, his goofy kid smile. People who look like me? What exactly does that mean, my lovely Violet?
I scoff, punching him in the arm lightly, trying to play it off and not looping my lovely Violet over and over like a broken record. I mean incredibly hot people, such as yourself, as you well know.
He tries to taper down his smile. It doesn’t work. Do you find me incredibly hot then? I hate that I am wearing a bonnet for this conversation. I force out my haughtiest voice.
It’s more of a stated fact than my opinion.
Incredibly hot, but a bit of a dick and… shallow, right?
These words twist a knot in my stomach.
Maybe not the shallow part.
He nods at me, that jester’s mask gone, and says, Maybe not.
AFTER OUR TOUR IS DONE, we go back to the Louisbourg tourism centre. I walk over to use the washroom before we go out in search of lunch.
I stare at myself in the bathroom mirror.
Violet, I say, but not out loud, you have got to get your shit together. This thing with Finn isn’t real. I remind myself. I check the stalls and I’m grateful to see the rest of the bathroom is empty. I repeat the words, out loud, to no one but myself, like an insane person.
It isn’t real, I whisper to myself in the mirror. So stop having physical reactions to him.
He’s using you, I think, but I can’t bring myself to say it out loud. But you’re using him too. To get your family off your back for once. So people can see that actually you’re capable of getting a boyfriend.
And, I think, just to wound myself a little further, he would not be interested in someone like you. He’s being nice to you because he’s getting something from you. Don’t forget that.
With that dire warning to myself, I leave the bathroom and prepare to spend the rest of the day with Finn Campbell.
Chapter 16
VIOLET
FINN HAS BORROWED HIS BROTHER’S Jeep for our excursion today. He rolls the windows down as he drives us away from the fortress and towards the main road in Louisbourg.
I’m pure famished, he says. I’m gaggin’ for a toastie.
