It occurs to me, here in the ocean, with this delightful, devastating man, that I am in deep, deep trouble.
Chapter 19
FINN
I BRING VIOLET AND I back to the bed and breakfast, both sun-drenched and sleepy from our afternoon at the beach. We’ve agreed to rest a bit before going over to my brother’s for dinner tonight. Alba and Rose are meeting us there as well.
That was a very good day, Violet, I say to her as I park the car in front of our two cabins. Thanks for going along with my antics at the beach. Possessed, again, with an urge to touch her, I lean over and ruffle her hair, which is still damp from the ocean. I expect her to bat me away, but she looks more like a puppy being pet than anything.
We’ve got to agree on what we tell the others tonight.
Her face is suddenly devoid of all joy again. What do you mean?
Well, we should have a strategy. Make sure we’re saying the same thing.
She makes a face, like she doesn’t like lying to her friends.
I guess we say… I don’t know, do we have to say anything at all?
I smirk. Maybe not, but you and I both know that those numpties will be asking questions.
She sighs, loudly, wiping her palms on the bottom of her dress. Fidgety and anxious, she says, We’ll say we had a really nice time and, I don’t know, sparks were flying. She laughs like this is funny. I do not find that funny at all.
Well then, we won’t even have to lie, I say before I’ve really thought about it.
Violet almost flinches, like I’ve said something cruel, and I feel a surge of tenderness towards her. I can tell she’s sensitive, and takes everything very seriously. Again, that impulse to reach out, and I give in again, reaching my hand to give her shoulder a shake.
You’re up to high doh, Violet. She gives me a blank, almost concerned look which I take to mean she doesn’t get my meaning. You’re too stressed out.
My hand, somehow of its own volition, rubs soothing circles on her exposed skin, where her neck and shoulders meet. She closes her eyes and something wild and hot shoots through me. I should stop.
But I don’t.
It’s not stressing me out, she says, and I’ve completely forgotten what we were even talking about. She opens her eyes to look over at me. It’s a good plan, Finn. It’ll help shut my family up and stop seeing me as this pathetic loser or something. And that’s really all I can ask for right now. She leans back and her eyes flutter closed again. I’m struggling to follow what she’s saying.
You’re not a pathetic loser, I say, a little dazed.
Oh, I am. And a total weirdo too, remember?
Violet gives me a look that’s both a challenge and a flicker of something like hurt. I rack my brain, trying to understand what she means, but come up empty.
She shakes me off, muttering, Never mind. She gathers her things and steps out of the car.
I feel a wee bit like I’ve done something wrong, but I’m not sure what I’ve done.
We’ll meet back here at six to go together? I call out to her, aware that I sound a little too keen.
Yeah, she says, smiling, but it’s not a real smile. See you in a bit.
I ONLY GET WHAT FEELS like five minutes to stare up at my ceiling and wonder about my conversation with Violet, thinking back on our day together, before it’s already time to start getting ready to leave again.
My brain, somehow of its own accord, keeps replaying us at the beach—Violet showing off her tattoos, me touching, greedily, the exposed skin and feeling desperate and hungry for more. I want to be more of a gentleman, but unfortunately all I can think about is running my mouth along those same places.
Shaking myself out of a stupor, I pull on a clean, grey T-shirt, having already rinsed off from the beach the moment I got back to my room.
I shut the cabin door, not bothering to lock it behind me, and start to head out towards the Jeep. But I slow my pace as a thought pops into my head.
What would a boyfriend do?
