I pull in a deep breath, trying to reset. “So… I know we’re both trying to figure out what a relationship is supposed to be but…” I nibble my lip, not sure how to say this. I start to fidget. “I need you to not leave me like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like nothing happened.”
He pauses, I assume trying to look at the situation through my lens. “I didn’t mean to do that. Because somethingdefinitely happened.”
“I just… Does this change anything?” I feel my brows fight over whether to hitch up or down, and I wonder if this is how he feels all the time. “Like did this bring us closer or…?” The question fades out. I really thought I could be patient with his idiosyncrasies, but the further we go into this marriage, I swear it gets harder, and the need to understand gets stronger.
“Okay,” he whispers. “Just tell me what I’ve got to do to make you not feel that way.”
It’s a big ask, but if I’m honest… “I need you to tell me it brought us closer. Or that you at least want it to.”
“I do… Molly, I want to try. I want us to end up like the couples in those love stories you read. You just have to give us a chance to get there. Allow us some time.”
He gets up again, but this time he stops by the chair where some of his clothes from yesterday hang. Slob. After grabbing the soft blue T-shirt, he comes back to me and slips it over my head, gently pulling my arms through. The fabric falls over me like a dreamy cloud that smells like just like him. He stares at me another moment, his face relaxed, like he’s just taking in the sight of me.
I give him a faint smile, then look down at the jersey-soft material that encases me like a protective shroud. I’m not sure what he meant by doing this, and maybe even he doesn’t know. But I like it. He’s leaving a part of himself with me to make me feel less vulnerable and more secure with this marriage. Just secure enough to maybe have a little faith.
A weekand a half goes by. Wolf and his brothers finally get the mountain lion corralled in an area where less people are likely to venture. Wolf is a little more relaxed, and he smiles more often. He still kisses me every morning and every night, and the space between us in the bed is gone. But other than that, Wolf only dares to touch me when we’re going to sleep. He usually pulls me close to him; either I sleep against his chest or he curls around me from behind. And he’s ditched pajama pants, now opting to sleep in his boxer briefs, which I think has been his preference all along.
But it’s like we moved up to the next level with no further progress. We haven’t had any deep conversations since our“wedding night,” and we certainly haven’t ventured back into anything too deep into his family, or past, oranything. Marriage is confusing when you’ve barely dated anyone before, including each other.
Today, however, is his Saturday off, and I’m hopeful it will help us turn a corner. I know I should talk to him again, and I promise myself that if this stalemate sticks around much longer, I will. After all, he was receptive the first time.
“Do we have enough chips? Should I grab another bag?” I stuff one bag in a tote already full of snacks like pretzels, cookies, and trail mix. I don’t go to social gatherings much—make that ever—and I have no idea of what or how much to bring to a family party like this. And I better learn, as Wolf and his brothers spend every Saturday from May to August at their family plot on the lakefront.
“The answer to that is always grab another bag,” he says without turning from the cupboard he’s rifling through. “Summer Saturdays are pretty much food fests with my family.” He turns toward me, frowning. “I can’t find any paper plates. Don’t you have some?”
The frown puts me on the defensive. “Sorry. I forgot to replenish my supply after the last bash I threw.”
“Got it.” He sighs, shutting the cupboards before swiping his phone up off the counter and tapping out a message, probably to ask someone to bring plates and plastic ware.
“Guess I have a few things to learn.” I place a cooler on the counter beside the fridge to start transferring ice packs and drinks
“Hey,” Wolf says and sets down his phone and appears at my side. “Don’t worry about it.” He presses against my shoulder and reaches past me to grab the stack of dips at the back of the fridge.
I get a whiff of his warm skin, and a small swell of excitement rises through my body. Did he mean to step so close? Does hefeel the same tension I do between us? Why hasn’t he taken the initiative since the one time we were together? Unfortunately, I have no answers to any of those questions, and right now isn’t the time to get contemplative.
After locking up the cabin, we haul several coolers, tote bags, folding chairs, and towels into the bed of Wolf’s truck. The drive down the highway toward Gunn Lake is sunny, and I crack my window to enjoy the fresh breeze. The lake itself is both wide and twisty with views of tree-topped mountain peaks. I’ve been there a few times while growing up. The lake offers a couple public beaches, but I’m looking forward to experiencing the quiet and privacy of the property that’s been in Wolf’s family for three generations.
“There’s a nice sized dock,” Wolf offers from the driver’s seat. His grey T-shirt ripples in the breeze as he rests his wrist on the top of the steering wheel. His clothes are a departure from his usual wardrobe. When he goes to work, he’s in blue jeans and steel-toed boots and a ball cap with some kind of T-shirt or Henley. In the evenings, he sheds most of it and opts for sweats. Today he’s in the light T-shirt and swim trunks, which are almost as torturous as his boxer briefs. “We’ve kept it up over the years, so it’s in good shape,” he continues. “And we have a shed where we keep more chairs and inner tubes and all that.”
“So do you guys take turns working on Saturdays?” I ask, pulling at a loose strand of hair that’s trying to blow into my eyes. I’ve only known him to work the weekend when we were interrupted by his infernal radio.
He nods, and I have to resist the urge to tousle the dark hair that peeks out from the back of his ball cap. “One or two of us usually have to but always end up at the lake after our shift. I think River has to work today, so we won’t see him until later. But you’ll see Uncle Bert and Dana.”
Speaking of his uncle and beloved housekeeper—they are already set up on the expanse of beach when we pull up.
When I step out of the truck, I immediately want to move my house to this plot of land and then feel traitorous deep on the inside at the thought of trading Clover Hill for something else. It’s just hard not to fall in love with the view of the crystal lake shimmering in the sun between the mountains, looking like they carved out space just for it.
“Paradise, right?” Wolf asks as he comes around the front of the truck to stand by my side.
I nod, lifting my sunglasses and squinting through the bright sun to fully take in the full visceral picture. “Mountains, water, and trees all in one place,” I agree as he turns his head and gazes at me. I look back at him, and it’s like we’re sharing a feeling of solidarity or just a pleasant connection.
“Newlyweds!” Bert bellows, and we turn to see him with his arms spread wide in greeting, a beer in one of his hands.
Wolf leans in slightly and a zing of anticipation flits through me. “He’s going to use your job in the medical field as an excuse to ask you to look at a rash. Don’t fall for it,” he advises me before turning to grab things out of the flatbed.
