His thoughtful nod makes me confident that he’s picking up my drift. “It just made me feel…something…something different.”
I can tell he’s not sure how to convey what he’s trying to say. “Well…” I draw in a breath, trying to think of some way to help the conversation along. “I guess I don’t worry that you might want someone else, but I do wonder if you even wantmesometimes.” I’m as gentle as I can be. With his complex personality and aversion to talking out feelings, it’s hard to tell him how I feel. Plus, I often wonder if I’m going to freak him out.
“What do you mean?” He takes the blanket and lays it on the ground in front of my chair.
“It’s like we’ve plateaued,” I explain. “We moved up a level and then stopped.”
“We had that one issue,” he says, most likely referencing the time he was completely absent during the mountain lion fiasco. He shakes his head and his eyes seem to search the sky for more answers. “But, we talked through it. We made love, and we’ve been getting along great ever since.”
“One time,” I remind him. “And we’ve kissed and touched a little since, but…”
“I didn’t want to push for more.” He shakes his head, like he’s not sure if what he’s saying makes sense. “I didn’t want you to think it was just physical for me.”
“Oh…” That was actually kind of thoughtful of him, so I don’t fault him for thinking that way. But I do fault him for not communicating. Though I probably need to work on that myself.
“Are you saying you want to have sex again?” He cocks an eyebrow.
“I’m saying you don’t have to be afraid to push for more.” I return his smart look.
He smiles warmly and closes his eyes, looking down like he’s admonishing himself. “All right,” he concedes.
“So…” I take a casual breath and let it out, trying to come off light. “I guess it wouldn’t hurt to check in, to see what kind of place we’re in, since we both seem to be confused.”
“I would say that we’re in a place where I get pretty riled if another guy so much as breathes wrong in your direction,” he starts, crouching in front of me and opening my knees.
The small gesture gives me a rush of excitement, but I still long for that perfect measure of security, an anchor to pull me out of my head. “But where does that come from?” I ask, trying to fight the distraction that comes from his hands grazing up and down my thighs. “Is it just territorial male instinct?”
He tips his head to the side. “Well, I do feel possessive… Like I don’t want anyone to have what I do.”
“And what do you have?” I know I’m pushing. And I know I’m stifling the mood he’s trying to build. I do want us to be intimate more often, but I also don’t want it to be used as a means of deflection.
“I have a wife…who I think about every minute I’m away from her,” he admits, kneeling on the blanket in front of me.
Wife… I hardly ever hear him call me that. But wait…“What?” I whisper, falling into the moment with him.
“I hate…being away from you,” he slowly proclaims his thoughts as his hands rise to the waistband of my shorts. “When I’m at work, all I think about is you… I wonder what you’re doing…and when I can touch you again like this.” He waits, his eyes watching mine in the orange glow, waiting for me to signal that he can proceed.
“Yes,” I whisper and lick my lips.
He starts dragging my shorts slowly down my legs, revealing nothing underneath them. “It scares the shit out of me,” he admits down at the task. “When I feel something intense, it…” he frowns in the firelight, his gaze still downcast. “I don’t like not feeling in control, but…”
He’s struggling, and I don’t know how to help him without letting him off the hook.
“I feel that too,” I hear myself say on a serrated whisper.
His dark lashes lift as his gaze shifts from my bare pussy up to my face. “Do you miss me…when we’re apart?” he asks, pulling the shorts the rest of the way off and setting them aside.
“Yes,” I answer between the breaths that are taking over my body. The warm lick of the fire and Wolf’s penetrating gaze have sent a yearning coursing through my bloodstream.
He breaks eye contact to start kissing down my abdomen, letting his lips splay across my skin as he goes. “You’re mine,” he proclaims as he reaches for the sides of my open jacket, pushing them farther apart so he can lock his hands on my waist. “That’s where I am.” His tongue licks at the skin of my mound, the movements tapering lower as he goes.
It’s not fair that he’s doing this. I feel like he beat me to some grand prize. Ever since our first time, I’ve been wanting to go down on him. The way he succumbed to the blissful arousal when we were together is something I’ve been yearning for ever since. He’s so stoic and hard to read all the time, but that was one single night where he gave way to pleasure and emotion. Like him, I’ve been holding back, not wanting to push him too far.
“I wanted to do this to you,” I confess on a strained breath.
“Yeah?” His low voice hums and resounds against my sensitive folds.
“Uh-huh… It’s not fair you beat me to it.”
