"I shall help you."She rolled up the sleeves of her gown. "This is the time of morning Jockgives Ian his bath and after that he takes a nap, so I have three hours free. Iwill come here every day and aid you in fashioning your dabbles."
He gazed blankly at her."You're offering yourself as my apprentice?"
"If that is what it'scalled. We will also talk and become better accustomed to each other's ways.Now, what do I do first?"
"Leave."
"Why do you wear thatleather apron? Should I have one on also?"
"I require noapprentice."
"Of course you do. I'm sureevery craftsman has an acolyte to do menial tasks. I will sweep and—" Shepaused, uncertain, before adding vaguely, "Hold things."
"I could have one ofRuel's servants do that."
"But you wouldn't trustthem in the same room with one of your precious models," she saidtriumphantly. "You know I'm not clumsy and would take care not to damageany of your dabbles."
"Madam, I do not… "He tried a new direction. "Your plan is without purpose. You have visitedme many times during the past three years. I'm sure we have no more to learnabout each other."
"You believe you know me,but I have a great deal to learn about you. I was the one who always talked.You asked questions and I answered."
"Sometimes with muchreluctance."
"It is not my nature toconfide in all and sundry. It was difficult for me to—but you know that."She added wistfully, "You have been very kind to me in the past. Why can'tyou be kind to me now?"
"I am being kind to you.More than you know." He gazed at her a long moment. "You're a veryobstinate woman. You're not going to give up on this, are you?"
"Certainly not."
He threw up his hands."Oh, very well."
Her eyes widened. "Youmean you'll—"
"Not that, dammit,"he said quickly. "I mean I'll take you to apprentice. If I do not keep youbusy, you'll only sit and stare and plague me with chatter."
"I do not chatter."She had not realized he had regarded her confidences as chatter and theknowledge gave her a hurtful pang. She said stiltedly, "Though I can seehow you would think me verbose. I should not have afflicted my ramblings onyou. Please forgive me."
"You did not force themon me, I took them," he said curtly. "And, by God, you needed me totake them. I was your priest in the confessional. I gave you haven andabsolution. Have you considered if I did what you asked of me that I would nolonger fulfill that need? Your haven would be gone."
She felt a surge of lonelinessat the thought. "Ian's need is greater than mine."
"You're a foolish woman.You gave years of service to a selfish father only because he seeded the womanwho bore you and now you wish to sacrifice yourself for Ian." He pausedand then added deliberately, "And all because you feel guilt that you donot love them enough."
She gazed at him, shocked."I did love them."
He shook his head. "Lovemust be nurtured and your father gave you nothing in return."
She could not deny that truth."But Ian is—"
"You loved Ian as aplaymate and a friend. In time it might have changed, but because of theaccident he also became your child. That's what he is now, a beloved child whomust be protected."
"You lie," she saidfiercely. "He is my husband and I love him with my whole heart."
"Not with your wholeheart, that's why guilt is making you willing to destroy yourself to makeamends to him."
"It's not true," shewhispered. "You should not say such things."
"Why not?" He smiledrecklessly. "I've always known however honest you are with others you'venever been honest with yourself."
