Darkness fell and Medfordstill had not come. When he failed to arrive by midnight, guards were postedand they went to their blankets to rest.
To rest but not to sleep, Janethought wearily. She felt too worried and afraid to let go of awareness. Sheturned on her side to look at Ruel across the campfire. He was not sleepingeither. He lay on his back, every muscle rigid, staring into the darkness, andshe was again reminded of brittle crystal, ready to explode…or be shattered. He had barely spoken a wordto any of them all evening, withdrawing into himself, withdrawing into hisanger and sorrow. She should let him have his solitude. If he had wanted herhelp, he would have asked for it.
What was she thinking? Ruelhad difficulty admitting he needed anything or anyone.
She threw aside the blanket,jumped to her feet, and moved around the fire.
She knelt beside Ruel andlifted his blanket. "Move over."
He didn't look at her."No."
She lay down beside him.
"Go away. I don't wantyou here."
"Too bad. I'mstaying." She drew the blanket around her. She lay there, not touchinghim, sensing his stiffness and resistance.
"I knew you'd come,"he said harshly. "It was bound to happen. You have to have something tomother. Well, I'm not a young boy with a crushed leg or a damn baby elephant. Idon't need you. I don't need anyone."
"I didn't say youdid." She slid her arms around his taut, strained body. "I'm the onewho needs you. I'm frightened of tomorrow, and I feel as if I have this woundinside that won't stop bleeding."
He was silent a moment."You do?"
She nodded. "It wouldhelp if you would hold me. I don't think I'd feel so alone."
He didn't respond for amoment, and then his arms slowly slid around her. "You're not alone."
"Neither are you,"she whispered. "If you want me, I'll always be here."
He stiffened even more."Pity?"
"Love."
"I find it strange youfind it necessary to make this declaration now."
"You once said you knew Iloved you."
"I also know you have anature soft as mush."
"Very well, there's pitytoo."
He swore beneath his breath.
"There's nothing wrongwith pity, Ruel."
"The hell thereisn't."
"Blast it, I won't sayI'm sorry for giving you pity. When I was ill, didn't you pity me? When Zabriehurt Li Sung, didn't you want to help him?" Her arms tightened around him."Now shut up and go to sleep."
"I'm not tired."
"Then talk to me."She paused. "Talk to me about Ian."
She could feel the ripple ofshock that went through him. "There's nothing to say. He's dead."
"Then we're just going toforget him?"
"Of course I'm not goingto forget him." He spoke through his teeth. "I'm going to killAbdar."
