"I'm not joking." Hedrew her close. "I don't ever want to go back to the way it wasbefore." His next words were muffled in her hair. "I was...lonely."
She felt the tears sting hereyes. This rare admission from Ruel was very difficult for him and onlyemphasized his trust in her. "So was I."
"Not like me. You reachout and gather people to you. I can beckon them near but I can't trust anyoneenough to be close to them."
She slid her arms around him."Some people you can't shut away. They don't let you."
"I had to be close toyou," he said hoarsely. "I needed to be close to you. If you left menow, I don't think I could stand it. I'd want to shout and roar and break theworld into a million pieces."
Tiger burn bright.
She fought back tears as shesaid lightly, "We wouldn't want that to happen. I guess I'd better notleave you."
"Promise me."
He was oddly rigid againsther, and she instinctively reached up to soothingly stroke the tight tendons ofhis nape. "Why should I leave you?"
"Promise me."
His mother had walked away andleft him. Ian, the only other person he had loved, had also left him. Death hadnot really taken his brother; he had walked joyously toward it. "You havemy word," she said softly. "I will never, never leave you."
The tension left him and hestood there holding her while the pink haze of sunset lazily crept over theterrace and blushed the mirrored waters of the geometric pools with a rosyglow. "I will make you happy, you know," he said. "I promise I'llmake you forget how we started."
"No, you won't." Shelooked up at him. "I don't want to forget one minute of it. The bad timesand good are so blended together, I can't give up one and keep the other, and,by God, I won't give up one second of the good times."
"I'm glad you think thegood was worth the bad. But it will get better." He gave her a quick kiss,stepped back and slipped his arm around her waist, and led her to thebalustrade overlooking the canyon. "I'll be such a damn good husband, evenMaggie will approve of me."
The descending sun bathed themountain in scarlet glory.
Beauty. Splendor. Paradise.
Ruel didn't appear toappreciate the view. His expression had suddenly become abstracted. "I'llhave to send the crews back to work the mine tomorrow," he said absently."I've had them working down at the docks helping Li Sung." He wassilent a moment and then suddenly turned and asked her, "How would youlike to go to Johannesburg?"
Her eyes widened with shock."Johannesburg!"
"Not for long," hesaid quickly. "I thought maybe— Since there's going to be a delay anyway,we might—"
"Why would you want to goto Johannesburg?"
"Well, today a freighterlanded at the dock and the captain said there are reports of another big goldstrike just north of the city there."
She stared at him inbewilderment. "You have a whole mountain of gold just waiting for you tomine here."
He made a face. "I guessyou're right. Life in those camps can be pretty rough, and you'd probably hateit. I know I don't need any more gold. I'm being completely unreasonable."
He was not being reasonable,but he was being entirely Ruel MacClaren, Jane realized suddenly.
He's not a man who iscomfortable living in palaces, Li Sung had said.
Cinnidar might be home forRuel, but there would always be part of him that craved the adventure of thesearch. After a lifetime of challenging himself and the rest of the world, hewould never be able to tamely accept living in this palace and the luxuriouslife Cinnidar offered.
Any more than she would beable to accept it.
Her spirits lifted at thethought, and relief poured through her with dizzying force. She had beenwilling to live here because this was Ruel's home and she loved him and wishedhim to be happy, but she had not really been content with the idea. Paradisewas a fine place to come back to when you were ready, but there was still aworld out there to build and conquer.
"Do you suppose thoseminers would need a railroad to take their gold to the city?" she asked.
A brilliant smile lit hisface. "It wouldn't surprise me."
