"The devil you won't. You can't change what's between us."
"I can. I will." She lay back against the pillow and closed her eyes. "I don't want to talk anymore."
"I almost wish I'd let Balkir strangle you," he said through his teeth.
"The usual solution to any man's problems."
"Selene, this is difficult enough. We need to--You're not listening."
"My head aches and I'm sick unto death of listening to you. Go away, Kadar."
He muttered something beneath his breath and then she heard the door slam.
She opened her eyes. Difficult? It was almost impossible to uproot all the years of feeling. Build the wall higher. She could do it.
She had only to keep him away.
It was a quarter of an hour later when the anchor was lifted and the ship eased away from the dock.
It was five minutes later when she heard the shouting on the deck.
Oh, God--Ware? No, he'd had no time to ride from the castle.
She jumped up and ran out on deck. She could see Kadar and Balkir in a crowd of sailors at the far rail. Angry sailors. Balkir was angry too. He lifted the club in his hand.
Kadar caught it and spoke rapidly to Balkir.
She ran toward them. "What is it? What's--" She stopped short as she saw the huddled figure in the middle of the crowd. "Haroun?"
The boy was sopping wet, his eyes wide with terror as he looked from Kadar to Balkir.
"What are you doing here?"
"He swam out and grabbed the anchor rope," Kadar said without looking at her. "Our captain wishes to club him and throw him back."
"No!"
"That's what I said."
"When a rat climbs on to a ship, you kill it before it can devour your rations," Balkir said. "He disobeyed you. He was supposed to deliver the note."
"I gave it to Robert to take," Haroun said. "I had to come. Lady Thea would have wanted me to take care of Lady Selene."
And he had come even though he was clearly terrified, Selene thought. He looked thoroughly miserable, not capable of caring for himself much less anyone else.
Balkir was struggling to release himself from Kadar's grasp. "Let me go."
"When you promise to let the boy live," Kadar said. "He may look like a rat, but I'm quite fond of him. See how lucky you are. Another hostage for Sinan."
"I don't need another--" He broke off as he met Kadar's stare. He moistened his lips. "Perhaps another hostage would do no harm."
Kadar released his arm and stood back. "I knew you'd be reasonable." He bent down and helped Haroun to his feet. "Go with the lady Selene. I'm sure she can find you something to use to dry off." He shook his head. "You really are a great bother, Haroun."
"I'm sorry, Lord Kadar," he whispered.
"So am I. I wished you'd be less noble and more wise." He turned to Balkir. "I want to see your charts. I know these waters better than you do, and I intend to make sure Maysef, not the bottom of the sea, is my final destination."
"I've made the journey twice. I won't have you interfering in my--"
