"But not now," he whispered. "You're not ready. Go back to the hall, Selene."
She felt as if he'd doused her with cold water. Shock turned to anger. She shoved him away. "Ready? I'm tired of that word. If it's not now, then it will be never. I won't wait on your convenience. I'll go away. I'll marry Lord Douglas or Kenneth or--" She turned on her heel. "I hate you, Kadar."
"No, you don't."
No, she didn't. She wished she could hate him, but the bond of years was too strong. Her eyes were glittering with tears as she looked at him over her shoulder. "Wait and see. I'll learn to hate you."
He smiled sadly. "But that would break my heart."
"Nothing could break your heart."
"You could. That's why I have to have patience."
"May heaven curse your patience."
"Actually, heaven applauds it. It's not often a sinner embraces such a virtue."
"It makes no sense. Why?"
"Trust. You don't trust me. I find I have a great hunger for your trust."
"I do trust you."
He shook his head. "You don't trust anyone. Except perhaps Thea. You make a pretense of trust to the rest of us."
"You're wrong."
"I'm right. You learned hard lessons in the House of Nicholas. One of them was lack of trust." He smiled and said gently, "But I deserve your trust. I've devoted a number of agonizing years to earning it. After the life I've lived, it stuns me that I would care this much about your complete faith in me. But I want every part of you, Selene. I won't accept less."
She glared at him. "And I'm supposed to wait until you decide I deserve you?"
"You're supposed to let time teach you what a fine bedrock of a man I am." His voice lowered to silky menace. "But I'll tell you what you're not to do. You're not to smile at any of those poor lads inside. It annoys me exceedingly. And if you let one of them touch you again, I won't be as lenient as I was to Lord Douglas."
"You'll not give me orders. I'll do what I wish." She whirled and ran up the steps and into the hall.
She stopped behind a pillar as waves of pain washed over her. Damn him. She had tried so hard and it had all come to nothing. Why wouldn't he--
"Selene?" Thea was beside her. "Are you well?"
No, she wasn't well. She was angry and frustrated and felt as if everything inside her was hurting. She tried to smile. "Of course I'm well. Why would you think otherwise?"
"It could be the tears that are running down your cheeks," Thea said dryly.
"Nonsense. I never cry." But she was weeping now, she realized. That stubborn idiot had done this to her. "I must have something in my eye."
Thea nodded. "Well, come to my chamber and I'll help you get it out." She pushed Selene gently toward the stone stairs leading to the bedchambers. "You can't go back into the feast like this."
She didn't want to face anyone. She wanted to go to bed and pound her pillow with her fist and forget Kadar and his stupid idiocies. But that would be a victory for Kadar. She'd do exactly what he had ordered her not to do. She'd go with Thea and wash her eyes and pinch her cheeks rosy and then come down and let Kadar know she cared nothing for what he said.
Well, perhaps she would not speak sweetly to any of the men in the hall. There was no point in it, and it wasn't fair to them now that Kadar had issued a warning. But she would dance and laugh and let him see she didn't care a whit for his--sweet Mary, why couldn't she stop hurting?
Thea opened her door. "Sit down on the stool." She went to the bowl on the washstand and dampened a cloth. "This shouldn't take long. Which eye is it?"
Selene dropped down on the stool. "We both know I have nothing in my eye."
"I wasn't sure you were ready to admit it yet." Thea moved the damp cloth gently over Selene's cheeks. "You shouldn't blame Kadar. You made him very angry."
"No, I must never blame Kadar," she said bitterly. "Kadar is perfect in your eyes. I'm the one who causes you disturbance."
