“But you’ve never written on the first page.”
Catherine gazed at her, eyes bright with tears. “Dear God, you’re cruel. Why are you doing this?”
“Because I love you,” Juliette said wearily. “And because François loves you. He broke down and confessedto me in Paris. Helovesyou. Do you know how fortunate that makes you? I may go through my entire life without love and you have it and won’t reach out and take it.”
Catherine didn’t speak for a moment. “Jean Marc?”
“Of course it’s Jean Marc. Why are you so surprised? It’s always been Jean Marc.” Juliette stood up. “Catherine, admit it to yourself. You’re afraid to go to François because it would mean leaving your garden. You’ve learned to live without fear here but you’re afraid of the world he lives in.” She took two steps forward and grasped Catherine’s shoulders. “And, by the saints, you should be afraid. François is in danger all the time in the Temple. If he doesn’t betray himself in some manner, then Danton could decide at any time to hand him over to the Committee of Public Safety. He says there are even spies in our own group. Wherever he turns there’s the shadow of the guillotine.”
“No!” The tears were running down Catherine’s cheeks. “Why do you let him do it?”
“Because the rest of us don’t live in a sheltered garden. We all must take our own risks.”
Catherine pulled away from Juliette’s grasp and stared at her wordlessly. Her lips formed words that refused to fall from her lips. Then she turned and ran toward the manor.
Sweet Mary, was it true? Catherine asked herself. Had she been afraid to give up the safety of Vasaro even for François? She had thought she had grown strong and independent. Was that false?
She threw open the front door and ran up the stairs into her chamber and locked the door. She leaned back against it, panting, her heart pounding. Safe. She was safe here from Juliette’s words, safe from Juliette.…
Dieu, she loved Juliette and yet now she was shutting Juliette away, too, because she had become a threat to the serenity she had found at Vasaro.
Catherine threw herself on the bed and stared sightlessly at the window across the room. She lay there while the afternoon became evening and then darkened into night. She heard the knob turn once and anothertime Philippe knocked on her door and called softly. He went away when she didn’t answer.
The moon had risen and was flooding the room with silver light when she got up from the bed and walked slowly to the desk. Her fingers trembled as she lit the candles in the candelabrum. She sat down and drew the journal from the drawer. She sat looking at the smooth leather cover for a long time.
Then, slowly, she opened the journal to the first page.
The date leapt out at her.
September 2, 1792.
Dear God, she couldn’t…
She drew a deep breath and reached for the white feather quill. She quickly dipped the quill in the onyx inkwell and began to write.
The bells were ringing.
“Catherine.” Juliette knocked on the door again. “If you don’t answer, I’m just going to stay here until you do. It’s almost midnight and I don’t see—”
“Come in,” Catherine called. “I’ve unlocked the door.”
Juliette padded barefoot into the room, her white cotton nightgown drifting about her. “I feel very foolish. I tried the door before, and it was locked so I—” Her gaze fell on the ledger on the desk, then rose swiftly to Catherine’s weary face. “You did it?”
Catherine nodded. “Though I didn’t have very pleasant feelings toward you while I was.”
“I know. I felt the same way toward Jean Marc. But it’s better now?”
“It’s better now. It’s not over, but it did help. I’ve been a dreadful coward, haven’t I?”
“Oh, no.” Juliette knelt before Catherine’s chair, her arms sliding lovingly around her friend’s waist. “We all want a garden to go to when the pain becomes too great. Look at me, I ran to you and Vasaro.”
“But you’ll go back soon?”
“In a few days. I must get back to Paris. I have no reason to stay now. Your Vasaro has healed me.”
“Vasaro…” Catherine shook her head. “No, we heal ourselves. There’s no real magic in Vasaro.”
“Isn’t there?” Juliette smiled. “Don’t be willing to give up every belief so easily.”
