Did he even think I was intelligent? Does his opinion matter? And why am I suddenly embarrassed? Like somehow Jude is going to find out and judge me? Whatever. I have enough to deal with from the past fifteen minutes.
Apparently, my brain just has to remind me, otherwise you wouldn’t be sitting here narrating your life by puke from a past mistake that also dealt with bad relationships and ended in puke. Huh.
I feel stupid. So stupid.
“Honestly,” one of them adds, voice lowering, “Lilah thinks she’s so special anyways, like above us, she won’t even sit with us when we invite her over.”
Because they use coke and not the soda kind and they have trust funds. I have to work my ass off and too much caffeine gives me nightmares. I’ve been down dark roads; there’s no happy ending in sight. People end up in prison or dead.
“Fine, I wasn’t going to tell you guys,” I lean in to get a better angle to listen. “But Evans told me she was just a challenge, like most guys our age got shot down every single time and he was starting to notice so after his divorce it was an easy rebound. I was with him before that when his wife was going all crazy accusing him of cheating. We should honestly just feel sorry for her. I’d rather be a whore than a conquest, you know? He said he even forgot her name the first time so she’s sex pot in his phone.”
They all burst out laughing. My heart clenches. Sex pot? I’m not even named?
I stand slowly. She’s not wrong—I made it too easy because I was still scarred, damaged. I thought it easy meant shield, I thought wrong. I tuck my hair and wait for them to stop talking,for them to finish fixing their perfect makeup and hair and leave, and then I slowly walk out of the stall and stare at myself in the mirror. A conquest. Well, he planted his flag. I guess someone should give him a prize.
Maybe a swift kick to the dick will do?
“Cool,” I whisper to my reflection. My voice is steadier than I thought it would be. Cold. “Let’s just go get this over with then.”
It doesn’t take me long to walk to his office. His door is cracked slightly open like he’s expecting company, the conquest or the whore? What will it be? I’m on the edge of my seat.
I don’t knock.
I push it open and freeze. Evans stands behind his desk, black tie loose, shirt slightly wrinkled, and leaning against the edge of the same desk. Her. I can tell by the black ballet flats. I’m not surprised she’s in a gray cardigan and tight skirt like she’s already channeling all the potlucks and family photos in front of her white picket fence in Connecticut.
Perfect blonde hair. Perfect smile, though her once-fixed lipstick is smudged and currently half on Evans’s face. A perfect package wrapped in designer lies. She shoots me a fake oops and takes a step back.
“I assume…” I nod. “…that you’re the whore in this scenario if I’m the conquest?”
Her mouth drops open.
“Lilah!” Evans shoves her even further away. “It’s not what you think. It’s?—”
“Sex.” I shrug. “I get it, a man of your nature has needs, but I just wanted to come in here and let you know that you gave me chlamydia.” I hold up my phone. “I just got tested and apparently it’s super contagious, I felt like it was the only responsible thing to do. Should I just notify the school nurse first or?—”
“Lilah—” He snaps. “Don’t, and how do you know it was from me?”
“Ah there it is.” I nod. “As if I would ever sleep around when I was already so pleased by whatever you call what you do is…I mean I think it’s sex but I can hardly feel it each time, either way, I would get checked out,” I point at her. “Ashely?”
“Kingsly.”
“Same thing,” I mutter with a smirk. “Same thing, anyways, have a great day both of you. And Evans, safe to say our little tryst is over, but have fun. I’ll close the door on the way out.”
“Don’t.” His eyes are desperate as a tear slides down his cheek.
“Ah,” I nod and stare back up at Kingsly. “So, it seems we both had it wrong. I wasn’t the conquest, I was the prize, I wonder what that leaves you as?” I shrug. “Stop crying, Evans, it’s beneath you.”
And just like that I close the door and march back down the hall.
Away from him.
Good riddance.
Away from Jude—try not to puke.
And toward the only future I have right now.
Survival.
