The only honest thing.
I think about Jude’s face tonight, the way his eyes pierced through to my soul, the betrayal. The heartache. Does he know how often I dream of those eyes? Of the way they pinned me in place every single time? At the way I used to stare into them when we were in his bedroom, when our kiss shattered both of our futures in ways we couldn’t have possibly grasped?
I try to clear my head, but it’s nearly impossible, so rather than fake it, for once since moving, since pretending to be just Lilah and fine, I find my voice, and I speak the truth of the words I’m reading in the book. The only truth I think I have left, the written word. I give a thumbs up to the booth. The green ‘on air’ sign clicks on as I tap the iPad in front of me. “Welcome listeners, tonight we’ll be continuing our story ofThe Count of Monte Cristo, a story about revenge, betrayal, and love.” Ironic, is it not? I take a deep breath. “As always thank you for joining me live this evening you can comment on our social media pages and make sure to give me some good feedback, now sit back, close your eyes, and go on a journey with me.” I read and I let myself get carried away into a different world where the good guys win and the bad guys lose and wish desperately it was that black and white.
I could see the listeners in real time out of the corner of my eye. He was back. Whoever he was. Sleepyhead was tuning in. After a commercial break, I look down and see a comment. “Just what I needed after a hell day today, thank you L.” I just used a letter as my handle it was easier that way. I quickly reply. “It’s my pleasure sleepyhead, now close your eyes and get some sleep.” He replies back right away. “The only way I’ve been able to sleep for years is by listening to your voice. Must be gettingold.” I smile and click a heart next to his comment just as the commercial ends.
I’m pretty sure he’s either really lonely or retired. The demographics of the app are all over the place though so who knows. “How are you liking the story?” I clear my throat and take a sip of water. “Let’s keep going, as you know this is my third time reading this story to you all and it’s one of listeners favorite live reads. I came in tired but you all have me rejuvenated. Thank you for your cheerful comments. Let’s dive in again, take a deep breath, focus on my voice and let it be your safety net this evening.”
Two hours later, my voice is hoarse and my energy drink is completely gone. I’d still be able to sleep though so I wasn’t too worried as I grabbed my stuff and left the room. The halls were dark since it was nearing midnight. Sessions only went until two am. One booth’s light was still on. I didn’t stop to see who it was, I knew almost everyone and had met them at the first Christmas party a few years ago, except for a few new hires that liked to hang out together, most of us liked our space.
I walk back to my Jeep and groan. The front left tire is totally flat. Seriously? Ughhhh, I can’t call Charlie she’s probably long gone into sleepy land; the girl falls asleep fast and hard and rarely wakes up for anything. Should I try walking? No, probably not the safest, it’s at least two miles, I could Uber. But Ubering that late at night always freaks me out too.
I quickly pull up the app; since it’s late I really have no choice. To my right I hear the sound of a car rolling up next to me. Not good. Look busy. Keep your eyes on the screen if you have to call 911.
“Car troubles?” Comes the familiar voice.
Jude. I shouldn’t exhale. I do though. Because years ago, he was my safe space even though now I’m pretty sure he’s my enemy. I still can’t believe he’s alive. How many times haveI dreamt of this moment? How many times have I cried over someone who’s looking at me like he’d rather run me over with the car then save me with it?
I finally speak. “Sure you weren’t the one who slashed the tire in the first place?”
He smiles. “I’m more clever than that. I feel insulted you’d think I’d be that lame after all this time, De-Lilah.”
“Right, well,” Hands shaking, I keep trying to find a car but he closest is thirty minutes away. Seriously?
“Get in.” He says in a slightly annoyed voice. “I’ll drive you back, I was just meeting with my uncle anyways, the one who apparently hired you. Shocked you’d want anything to do with my family after already getting a measly pay out I’m sure you realized really soon that ten grand really wasn’t that much money hmm?”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
He rolls his eyes. “The hush money? Or bribe money? Whatever it was that my dad gave you to testify against me. The longer you stand there acting innocent the more pissed off I am and while I’d rather leave you here the thought of someone else getting to you before I can make you pay actually makes me more pissed, so get in, alright? At least you’re safe for one more night.”
Ten grand.Ten grand. I repeat the word in my head. “Jude, I’m being totally honest right now, I have no idea what you’re talking about. I never took money from your dad.”
“Wow,” He laughs. “First I’m dead and now this. Alright.” He exhales and shakes his head at me. “I think it’s best if we just don’t talk. Get in.”
“I really am grabbing a ride.” I hold up my phone. Especially now that he’s talking about bribe money. “So you won’t be burdened with my lying presence.”
He curses. “No, you’re not, closest car’s going to be a long wait and you have an early class. Get in, I won’t bite.”
“I swear if you say yet?—”
“”—I wasn’t going to say anything other than it’s freezing and I still have shit to do tonight, so either get in or wait and get fucking kidnapped, your choice.”
He wouldn’t hurt me.
Would he?
No.
Plus, there are cameras all around the parking lot. It would be stupid. I briefly think about the jail time, really stupid. But why did he go to jail? His dad said he’d get off so what else did he do? Dare I even ask?
“Alright then,” He unlocks the doors and then reaches across the consul and props the door open for me. The movement gives me whiff of his cologne. It’s cedar, warm, spicy. I instantly have regrets as I slump into the seat and am completely swarmed with his presence. I’m drenched in all things Jude Hale, and I hate that my heart beats a little faster while goosebumps rise up all over my body. He’s beautiful, angry, but beautiful. He’s even better looking than he was in high school, his face has matured, his body is bigger, everything about him screams for me to notice him.
I cross my arms and try to keep my racing heart down as rain suddenly pelts the windshield.
Leather rustles as Jude turns his body toward me, slowly he reaches across. I squeeze my eyes shut. Shit is he going to hit me? Strangle me? Kiss me? Why did I get in the stupid car! He tugs something close to my right ear. “Safety first, De-Lilah.”
I open my eyes and nearly choke out a breath. He’s so damn close. I can almost taste him. “Oh, right, the seatbelt.”
