He shrugs. “He’ll have a headache in the morning and a fucking hard ass time finding his tooth.”
“Huh? What? Why?”
He tugs my hand harder and presses a kiss across my wrist where the guy grabbed me. “Because I flushed it down the toilet.”
11
“He thought he wanted confession. Then he heard her voice. And wanted something worse.”—The Count of Monte Cristo.
JUDE
Ilet Axel think it’s his idea after the ordeal in the hall. Leave early, invite the girls back to his place right down the street from their apartment, order pizza and chill. I tell myself it’s because I’m just doing what the stupid piece of paper said, keeping my enemies close and that it’s not because I’ve suddenly grown a heart—because I haven’t. But, I’m suddenly starving to know her version of events, what happened and why.
Also, being out in public after that guy had his hands all over her isn’t what’s smart. Lilah could hardly focus on anything and wasn’t even touching her drink. She laughed at the wrong time and kept looking over her shoulder, and since the boogie man was currently next to her—i.e. me—I knew it was that guy.
What other hells had she gone through without me by her side? I’d watched her from afar, waited for the right time, kept my distance, and she’d been boring. But something about thatinteraction made me wonder if there wasn’t more of a story there.
But that would mean caring.
Getting closer in that way wasn’t part of the plan. The plan was to get her to feel an inkling of the same sort of fear and foreboding I felt during those times and wonder when it’s all going to get taken away, find out the truth, use her to take my dad down if necessary, walk away.
Honestly, the plan wasn’t supposed to be this year-long thing but the minute I made contact it was like taking your first hit, addicting in all the worst ways. I realized having her fear was almost as nice as having her love because at least I could feel and I’d been so damn tired of being numb this long that I welcomed the feeling even if it was wrong.
Axel and Charlie were sitting across from us playing Jenga while Axel kept peppering Lilah with questions about high school that I refused to answer. He’d gone to a private prep school while I begged my parents to send me to public—my dad allowed it because it looked good for me to be around normal peasants versus going to a private school like everyone else at the country club.
I didn’t care because at the time it gave me my way and I wanted to be wherever she was, but she didn’t need to know that was the real reason why. Because that bordered on obsession.
“I’m going to grab another drink.” She pops up from her seat and steps over my legs to get to the kitchen.
I don’t say a word.
I get up and follow her.
She’s staring at the bottle of wine but not pouring.
“We aren’t in an enchanted castle, you’re going to have to pick it up, princess.” I walk by and grab her a glass of wine. “Unless you were banking on me to do the heavy lifting.”
She turns to me. “What do you want? Why reveal yourself now after being gone so long? Why taunt me like you’re about to announce to the world what I did to you when I thought I was helping? What’s with the mind games? Are you behind the Dean’s List?”
My eyes widen. “I don’t know if I should be flattered I’m taking up so much of your head space or concerned at how short an amount of time it took.”
“Both.” She licks her lips and crosses her arms. Her green eyes dart from my mouth up to my eyes. “Does it matter? I can’t live like this. You’ve already won. So, what do you want, do you want me to confess to every stranger on campus that I’m a monster? Do you want me to publicly fail? Do I need to do a press conference and ruin my own life so I don’t have to constantly look over my shoulder and see the look on your face, like you really are dead like I really did kill you.”
I lean against the counter. “You already buried a pretend body and attended a funeral and lied in court,” I whisper. “And look around, nobody’s doing a press conference. I find great joy in your discomfort. What if that’s all I want? For you to constantly wonder when, if, why…I think that might be enough for me, besides it seems the only way to get you honest is in situations where you have no control.”
“That’s crazy.”
You’re crazyis what I hear. And maybe she’s right. Maybe I am. But aren’t we all a little bit crazy inside? It’s what we do with it that matters, it’s how we utilize the crazy that counts.
“Revenge isn’t sane, Lilah, and it oftentimes destroys the person getting it as much as the person giving it.”
She looks down at her feet. “And the Dean’s List.”
“You saw the red paper.” I push away from the island and lean in until I’m right by her ear. “Not it, but I think I know who is.”
“So, this is all just…coincidence that you’re suddenly here?”
“Sadly, yes, though had I known Evans was on The Dean’s List I would have turned in his ass ages ago, hate that guy.”
