Lilah’s hands cover mine before she pulls back and locks her fingers with mine. “Kind of, but I like that crazy part of you, the one that needs to feel me how ever he can and shows his desperation even in his art.”
“I was going to do the eyes, but I don’t think I can do them justice, Lilah.”
“They’re just eyes.”
“They’re your soul,” I whisper. “It’s too pure for my hands.”
“Are you okay?” She lowers herself into my lap wrapping her legs around me.
It’s so natural that I instinctively put my dirty hands around her and rest my face against her chest. “No. Not by a longshot.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“Words won’t fix what’s wrong with me even if it’s your voice.”
“Hmmm,” She grabs me by the hair and tilts my head back. “The how about this.”
Her mouth collides with mine before I can say yes. With her body pressed up against me and the smell of her invading every sense I have, I fall headfirst into the kiss, greedy for more as our tongues tangle together. This is everything I wanted seven years ago, everything I’ve wanted since laying eyes on her.
Truth.
A real kiss.
No more confessions.
No more revenge.
Our bodies speaking for us, the way our art does, and finding a way to describe that without messing it up with my inability to get the right words out. I slide my hands under her shirt then tug it over her head.
With a moan she breaks free from the kiss, eyes wild. “It’s not fake.”
“What’s not fake?”
“This kiss. My mouth.” She grabs me by the head, her hands on either side of my cheeks pressing painfully in, making it impossible to look at anything but her. Her brown eyes lock in on me with such precision it’s like a shot directly into my soul. She isn’t asking permission, she’s diving straight through like an explosion with no shield. “I’m kissing you because I want to. Because I’ve always loved you. Because I thought you were lost and you’re found, because I’m afraid to let go of you. I’m afraid that you’re going to disappear again, that I’m going to lose these moments. Because we aren’t promised anything but right now. And right now, I want my best friend, Jude. I want his mouth, his body, his fears, his wishes. I want a million kisses followed by a million fights only so we can make up again. I want it all, bloody, messy, cursed. That’s how love should be. Equal parts dark and light. Equal parts beauty and pain.”
“I love you,” I whisper. “Even when I hated you I loved you. Even when I wanted you to hurt it was like hurting myself. I love you. Lilah. I love you in a way that’s destructive and ugly. There’s nothing beautiful about the way I feel because so much pain covers it One day I’ll love you the way you deserve to be loved, but that day isn’t today. Today it’s poison.”
“Then let me suck it free.” She slams her mouth back down onto mine while I stand with her still in my arms, walking us towards the nearest wall. I pin her there and take the kiss from an explosion to a slow burn while my hands tug at her looseblack track pants. I tug them down until she kicks them off one ankle.
I nearly choke when I see she’s bare underneath.
“I had plans,” she gasps between devouring my mouth.
“I like when a procrastinator changes their ways,” I say, teasing her with my tongue as I tug at her bottom lip. “It’s like finding religion isn’t it?”
She laughs against me and greedily reaches for my shirt, tugging it over, but it gets caught in my smock, with one hand holding, her I toss them both to the side. She’s already working on the button on my jeans. Then her hands on me, gripping me, giving me heaven while sending me to hell.
“Fuck that feels good.” I rock my hips towards her. “Stop before I go too fast.”
“Go slow later.” She bites my lip and tugs painfully. “I need you now.”
I don’t have to be asked twice. I’m buried inside her within seconds, pinning her to the wall even harder now as my hips thrust. She grips on to me and tugs me as far inside as she can, like she’s swallowing me whole with her body. I have no words. None.
“Lilah,” I rasp, barely getting the word out, my world is spinning out of control, and then I snap open my eyes and see her, the look of ecstasy on her face with her lips slightly parted, panting, a bead of sweat slides down her temple. I lick it, reveling in the salty taste, and then I’m kissing her again as we move in sync.
Bodies sweaty, my fingers dig into her ass to keep her from slipping.
“Jude, right there, right there, don’t stop.” Her head rolls back, exposing her neck. “Stop and I kill you.”
