“Hi,” he says, looking up. For all his competence on the helicopter, he looks unsure of himself now. “Here.” He comes up to me and wraps a fluffy hotel robe around me.
“Thank you,” I say, hoping I don’t cry again—to see the care with which Jamie is handling first the crisis of rescuing us, and then everything I told him.
“Sybil, I—”
I hold my breath, waiting for him to say more.
But all he says is, “You’re welcome.”
He stands up and starts to walk toward the door to the hall, and I panic and grab his arm softly. Immediately he stops and turns back to me.
“So um, are you moonlighting as a member of the coast guard these days?” I ask, trying to seem more casual than I feel.
He rubs the back of his neck. “I made them take me with them.”
“Made them?”
“There may have been some shouting.” He cracks a small grin at himself. “I told Ash that you guys had taken an ATV out, and she got the rescue team on it right away.”
“I’m sorry you guys had to go through all that trouble.”
Jamie shrugs, like it’s nothing. Like saving my life is just something he does. And then it hits me. I poured my heart out to him earlier, confessed everything, but there was one thing I somehow forgot to say.
“I’m so sorry, Jamie,” I blurt out. “For… foreverything.”
Jamie hitches a breath, then swallows, but he doesn’t say anything.
So I continue. I know there’s more I need to say, to fully take accountability for what happened between us. “I’m sorry that I wasn’t ready, that I was scared, that I couldn’t open up about what I was going through. I wanted to be perfect for you. Ever since I was a kid, I’ve been like this. I’ve always tried so hard to be sparkly and special and at the same time be exactly what my partner wants, and I was doing that with you, too, but I didn’t realize it. I should have just been me. The real me.”
“Youwerethe real you, Sybil,” he says quietly. “You know I didn’t fall in love with you just for your sparkles and sunshine, right?”
I stare at him. Because no. I truly did not know that.
“I loved every part of you. I loved that I got to be the one you came home to, the one who saw you without all the party jokes and the charm that everyone loves. I got to be the one you truly let your hair down with, the one to rub your sore feet and see your bad moods and try to cheer you up. I wanted to be that person.”
I catch a sob as it rises in my throat. “And I ruined everything. Both then and now—”
Jamie interrupts before I can finish. “That’s not true.” His focus is totally on me. His words are low, but they ring through my body like church bells. He gives his head a little shake, like he’s laughing at himself, or me, I’m not sure which. “I hated myself the minute I let you drive off into the night. I was pissed you lied about Seb being your boyfriend, but—”
“I know. It was so stupid. I was just embarrassed. And jealous of you and Genevieve. But it was so petty and immature—”
“No,” Jamie interrupts, putting a hand on my shoulder. “I mean, yes, it was, kind of.” One side of his mouth quirks up into an affectionate grin. “But that’s not why I was so mad. I was mad because I’d been killing myself all day, ever since Sebastian got here, holding myself back from you because of him. Because I thought you were happy with someone else.”
Holding myself back from you.The words send a shiver of electricity through me. My mouth has gone dry, and I have to lick my lips before I can continue. Jamie’s eyes follow the path of my tongue.
I’m frozen in place as he looks at me, almost pleadingly. I can see the apology, and the hurt, and the longing, all clearly etched on his handsome face. The smell of him surrounds me. The damp of his shirt clings to his shoulders and biceps and to the muscles along his back.
“I should go and let you sleep,” he says, and starts to pull his hand away.
“Don’t go,” I whisper.
For a moment, it’s silent between us, everything concentrated in the place where his fingers are touching my shoulderthrough the robe. I feel them twitch, and he pushes some of my still-wet hair away from my neck.
“Are you sure?”
A shiver runs through my entire body and I can barely speak, so I simply nod.
“Come here,” he says, pulling me close. Then he lifts me gently, carrying me to the bed, and lying down beside me, covering us both with the duvet. I roll onto my side, and he spoons me, putting his arms gently around me. Wrapped in the safety of him, the smell of him, I feel like I’m finally home.
