His words landed with the same dizzying force they always did whenever Jamie spoke of us being parents one day.
“You say this is all moving too fast, but that’s because ofyou,” he continued. “You wanted to get married here, so we grabbed the date. I’ve never been impulsive like this. God, it’s like”—he barked out a bitter laugh—“it’s like you put some sort of spell over me so I make crazy decisions.”
“Well, if you didn’t want to get married so soon, why did you propose?” I couldn’t help but snap back at him. “Or is that my fault, too, since apparently, I’m some ‘woo-woo’ witch who manipulated you into loving me?” The defensiveness was seeping out of me. I came here prepared to explain my absence, to apologize to Jamie on my hands and knees for running off this weekend, but I never expected him to cast doubt over our entire relationship. Over who I am as aperson.
“That’s not what I said—”
“Maybe Iamcrazy. Crazy for thinking that you actually understood me.”
“Ido. But all this running away—it’s not normal behavior, Sybil. Do you even see that?” he said tightly.
“Well, maybe I’m just not a ‘normal’ person, Jamie!”
“No fucking kidding,” he muttered, piercing me with those three words. He used to love my weirdness. Used to be charmed by all my little idiosyncrasies—how I knew the number and name of every planet’s moons, or that my karaoke song was always an a cappella version of theDuck Talestheme song. But in that moment, he just looked disappointed, almost disillusioned. He ran a hand through his hair, again turning away and speaking more to himself than to me. “My family was right. Amelia told me you weren’t ready, but I didn’t listen…”
“Oh, so your family doesn’t think I’m good enough for them?” I spat out. Because,of course.
“My family are the only ones looking out for me,” Jamie said fiercely. “They know me better than anyone.” He sighed, shaking his head. “The truth is, Sybil, it feels like the other shoe has finally dropped. All this time, I’ve been looking for a reason, and now you’ve given me one.”
“A reason for what?” I asked, an ominous feeling building in my gut.
“A reason not to marry you.”
Just then, Amelia appeared over Jamie’s shoulder, her pashmina flapping like a dark cape about her shoulders. “Hi. Sorry to interrupt”—the daggers she was sending my way suggested otherwise—“but are we going ahead with this wedding or not?”
Jamie looked at his sister, then back at me, anger, confusion, and hurt all swirling in his coffee-brown eyes.
Then, as if I wasn’t even there, Amelia turned to Jamie, her voice concerned, urgent: “Jamie, are you really going to put up with this?”
And that’s when I risked a glance at the crowd. Though they couldn’t hear every word, they could see what was going on here. The looks of cringe and horror were blatant on everyone’s faces. All of them were looking at me like I was a monster. A horrible, horrible human being, selfish enough to risk the love and patience of a man like this. I looked back at Jamie, and he was wearing the same expression. Amelia’s eyes said it all.Disappointment. Failure. Disaster. Not good enough.As if she knew it all along, could have predicted this outcome.
And really, shouldn’t I have known it too?Third time’s a charm!I’d said cheerfully anytime someone alluded to my history of failed engagements. But the truth was more likethree strikes, you’re out. How could I let myself think this time around was going to be different?
“I’m sorry, Jamie,” I whispered one last time, willing him to believe me.
But Jamie didn’t look me in the eye. His eyes remained onhis shiny black shoes as he said, “I’m sorry, too, Sybil. But I can’t do this.”
And that was when I felt it—physically, like it was actually happening right there in my chest—the splintering. The stabbing pain. I never knew a heart breaking could feel exactly like that. But thebreakingwas so real, I could almost hear it, the shattering.
So I did what I do best. The only thing Icoulddo with all those faces staring me down, knowing that I’d ruined everything.
I ran.
4
HELP. SOS. CODE RED.MY THUMBS FLY FURIOUSLY ACROSS MYphone’s keyboard as I sit hunched over on the lounge chair.
Nikki’s text is the first to come through.Oh no. What’s wrong?
Breathe, babe, Willow says.
Emma chimes in with,I told you to put on sunscreen!!!
Not sunburn. JAMIE. HERE.
Moments later, my phone is ringing.
“Hey, Niks.” I can hear the hysteria creeping into my voice.
