“Yes?” I moved away from the group slightly, trying to hear her better.
“It’s Sloane Norton fromLovedBy.” Before I could ask why she was calling me, she barreled ahead. “We see a lot of promise in your application, and we’d love to have you out for a screen test.”
“A screen test?”
The girls had fallen silent, eyeing me.
“Can you come in next Tuesday? You’re local, right?”
“Um… Sure.”
Sloane confirmed my email and promised to send me more details. Then promptly hung up.
“What just happened?” Sybil asked.
“LovedBywants me to audition to be a contestant?” I said, not really believing it. “But it makes no sense. I never applied.”
“Or did you?” Emma asked. She seemed to have fully regained the power of speech now that she had someone else’s life to manage.
“Have I?”
“Well, I may have nominated you,” she admitted, smiling hugely. “Same thing.”
“Shut up. Really? But… why?”
“It just seemed like something you’d be really good at. And after your last job fell through”—she has the grace to look a little sheepish as she continues—“I thought you might have the time. I just feel like you’re meant for… for more.”
BACK INLA, Ifollowed the instructions from Sloane’s email and arrive bright and early to a studio lot on Tuesday morning.
Emma had been right. I did have the time. My last gig at a wellness start-up had fallen through when the company lost funding. While I looked for something more permanent, I’d been gettingcertified to teach Pilates, but as much as I loved it, it felt like a waste of potential. The girl who’d moved to LA had big goals and even bigger dreams. Emma had been right about that too. I did feel like there was more out there for me. Maybe going onLovedBywould help me get there.
Sloane collected me from a waiting room. She took a few photos of me and had me sit in front of a camera while she asked me some softball questions about my background. Afterward, she led me into a room and directed me to a chair facing a dozen people.
“Hi, Nicole, we’re all producers on the show. We have some questions for you. We’re going to go fast and dirty, so just say whatever comes to your mind.” Allan Bristol, one of the show’s OG producers, smiled at me. “Have you ever watchedLovedBybefore?”
“Yes,” I answered. “I’ve been a fan for a long time.”
“Where’s your dream vacation?”
“Thailand.” There’s an expectant pause, and I felt all the training from a decade of pageants stir to life. The mantle of pageant queen settled onto my shoulders, and I let it take over. I understood innately how it could be both reality television and a performance at the same time; if I wanted to be cast, I needed to find a part to play.
A woman with gold-rimmed glasses jumped in. “And what about your dreamjob?”
“I’d love to run my own company one day.” As I said it, I recognized the truth behind it.
The rest of the interview, I went on charm autopilot. They asked me what I thought made a good girlfriend. (Loyalty.) And who was my celebrity crush? (Glen Powell, at the time.) What was the sexiest thing about a man? (Confidence.)
In the days following the interview, I went through a psych eval,a literal background check with a private investigator, and a bunch of health and STD tests. I felt like I was being grilled for military service, not a show about finding lasting romance.
Months passed with no word from Sloane, and the same anxiety, the nervousness I used to get at pageants while places were called, returned. I’d never been totally convinced that Iwantedto be on the show, but it was so ingrained in me to want to win, to want to be chosen, that I really started to worry I hadn’t qualified, hadn’t been impressive or interesting or fun enough.
It wasn’t until a year or so after the interview rounds when my phone rang again. Sloane’s number. I was shocked. “We’d love to have you on the show next season. Are you in?”
“I’m in.” Of course I was. It had never occurred to me, not once in my life, to turn down a winning offer.
AFTER THAT CAME THEwhirlwind of pre-TV prep: styling, shopping, spray tanning, teeth whitening. Not to mention signing pages and pages of paperwork. Finally, a couple months before shooting was about to begin, and before they’d even announced the rest of the cast, aLovedByproduction team flew out to Georgia to capture their pre-taping “get to know you” footage of me in my hometown.
Sloane loved our house and the dock, and she made sure to get shots of the rope swing that hangs over the lake. My parents were a little reticent to be on camera, but Sloane smoothed away their concerns. She played up how excited they were to have me on the show, and how lucky we all were. She set them both up on the porch. I was brought to my room to shoot my own conversation, but their tapingwent longer than expected, and when I came back downstairs, I caught the tail end of my mom’s interview.
