I want to know why. In eight years of watching competition shows with Yumi, she hasneverpicked a beauty queen archetype to root for—not forThe Adventureverse,not forSurvivor, not even forThe Bachelor. What did she see in a team I not only didn’t believe in but didn’t evenlike? When it became clear they were going to win, I was so frustrated that I almost turned the finale off. I didn’t of course, because I would never do that, but I got closer than I’ve ever been.
Yumi liked them? More than the Retirees? But they were so boring. They had no strategy. They basically kept failing upward, being so much of a non-threat that nobody bothered to sabotage them in a season with an unusual number of twists. The Beauty Queens practically tripped and fell into first place.
In the premiere episode, they asked what a clue envelope was. And Yumi picked them to win? Why?
I don’t ask her, though. I can’t. Of everything I could bring up right now—my dad’s diagnosis, the money, packing lists, even my own deteriorating mental health—for some reason, the topic of the Beauty Queens is the one thing that feels too intimate.
I turn my attention instead to the laptop as I adjust the strap of my fanny pack to make it sit securely around my waist. Season 24starts in Croatia, with one of my favorite opening challenges the show has ever done.
The host, the timelessly handsome Jonathan St. Pierre, reads the clue card in a voiceover:
The Zadar Sea Organ is a unique architectural marvel, built under a set of marble steps that descend into the Adriatic Sea. Using thirty-five partially submerged pipes, the structure creates music from the motion of the waves. For today’s challenge, teams will travel by foot to the Sea Organ, where they must learn to playThe Adventureverse’stheme song using only wineglasses and sea water. The last team to check in with me at the iconic Zadar Land Gate may be eliminated.
Not only is it visually stunning, but as the teams struggle to complete the challenge, we get to hear the sea organ.
When the tide is gentle, its song is deep and haunting, like whales calling to each other. But then a passing boat creates a wake and the music grows frantic, desperately tripping over itself. I’m sure this wasn’t the creator’s intent, but when I first watched this episode, I realized that I could be lured to my death by the organ’s siren call. Which is why I’m glad it was on last season. Being lured to your death is decidedlynota path to being the last team standing.
I stuff a pocket-size notebook, bandages, a non-smart watch, and my passport into the fanny pack before taking it off. “Did you know that JSP had been angling for a challenge in Zadar since Season Three?”
“Yeah, I heard,” she says, not looking up as she slides a compass into one of her pack’s inner mesh pockets.
Once again, I’m shell-shocked. “How?”
“How what?”
“How did you hear that?”
Yumi shrugs. “I think Rob mentioned it on the recap podcast.”
What is happening? Am I in a parallel universe? “You listened to the recap podcast?”
“Mmm.”
I barely resist the urge to thwack her on the shoulder with a travel pillow. “I spentyearstrying to get you to listen to the analyses and you finally do it when I’m not around?”
“Yup.”
I wait for more, but it doesn’t come. Oh my God. This trip is going to be a nightmare.
Chapter 10
The World
The morning that I leaveforThe Adventureverse, my dad makes breakfast.
I almost cry, and I’m not sure why.
Making breakfast isn’t some special tradition in our house. It doesn’t remind me of my childhood or my mom. And pancakes don’t usually make me cry. So, I don’t know what’s happening.
“Are you sure you’ll be okay?”
He looks up from his fruit platter, scanning my forbidden sausage and cheesy eggs enviously. Since his diagnosis, I’ve been strict about his no-salt, no-fat, no-processed-food diet. “While you’re gone?” he asks.
“Yeah.”
He spears a banana slice and pops it into his mouth. “I feel like I need to remind you that I did somehow manage to survive thirty years before you were born.”
I roll my eyes. “But you weren’t sick then.”
