“It was their pleasure,” he says, gesturing at the gaggle of chattering tourists. “And listen, if you end up spending your winnings on a trip to the City of Light and you need a tour guide to blow money on, you know who to call.”
Chapter 16
Cloudburst
The mime beside Jonathan isnot ours; this one’s face is fully painted white, with black lipstick and dark eyes. His white-gloved hands meet in exuberant silent claps as Yumi and I jump onto the soggy Checkpoint mat in tandem. It squelches under our feet, and the mime pretends to fend off a nonexistent splash.
This isn’t our first time here. We got to the Champs de Mars—the green grass lawn in front of the Eiffel Tower—about fifteen minutes ago, but production wanted to re-create our arrival in one of the storm’s lulls. It’s merely drizzling now as we stand before the world’s most recognizable landmark, facing the plywood mountain standee that the show sets up like a backdrop at every Checkpoint.
They were careful not to block the tower with the mountain, its jagged cartoonish peaks piercing the sky behind JSP instead. Water droplets cling to the wood, reflecting the twinkling Eiffel Tower’s lights, which I imagine is much closer to the dreamy Paris at Golden Hour aesthetic they wanted.
“Noelle, Yumi, you are the”—JSP tucks his hands into the pockets of his signature dark gray windbreaker, pausing dramatically before completing the sentence—“thirdteam to check in here in Paris, France.”
Yumi and I already knew that, but we act like we didn’t,turning the volume of our earlier excitement up louder. We even throw in a hug this time. Stellar, award-winning.
JSP nods sagely. “Congratulations, your adventure continues. You’ll be on the first flight tomorrow. Instructions will arrive at your door in the morning.”
We thank him and wait for guidance on what to do next.TheAdventureversenever shows what happens after the proclamation that the teams are moving on. Usually, there’s a cut to either a confessional or another team still at the challenge. So, the awkward discomfort of not knowing what happens now is followed by something strange and wonderful: a “Holy shit, I’m actually onThe Adventureverse” moment. I’m trying to hold on to these moments, because so much is happening that I know I’ll stop noticing them soon. I want to appreciate them while they’re here.
“Girls,” a voice calls from a nearby pop-up tent. Aliona, of course. “Come here. Let’s film your talking heads; it won’t take long. I’ll show you to the hotel afterward.” She stands and motions us over, pointing to an X duct-taped to the wooden slats of the dock. “Stand right there.”
There is an intense sadism in the spot she directs us to. It isn’t under a canopy.Sheis under a canopy. Now that he’s done greeting us, JSP is under a canopy. The camerapeople, the crew, the equipment, all canopied. There’s even an empty canopy with nothing beneath it except the sandbags that keep the legs from blowing away. But us? We get to stand in the rain, in our already-soaked clothes. The grandest Adventure of all—trench foot.
It’s fine. Soon we will be dry and warm. And a little less soon but still kind of soon, my dad will have a million dollars. At leastYumi and I had the foresight to switch into our water shoes before we left the airport. Flirting with the barista at the terminal’s café and convincing him to give us four heavy-duty trash bags had been an unspeakably brilliant move on Yumi’s part, allowing us to double-bag our packs and keep all our items safe. Other teams had not been so strategic, which sucks for them but is great for us.
Aliona launches into a speech as she digs through a black canvas duffel bag. “Now, I know this is weird. Try to relax. I’m going to ask you questions and I want you to restate them back to me in your answer. For example, I might ask, ‘How was this challenge for you?’ Then you would answer something like ‘This was a really difficult challenge for us.’ Okay?”
I cut my eyes at Yumi, who stares at the ground, disguising her grin poorly. For us, this is child’s play. We’ve seen enough confessionals. We know how they work. We used to practice avoiding leading questions over bowls of mint chocolate chip ice cream, using our spoons as microphones.
“Noelle, who do you think deserves to go home today?”
“I don’t know who’s going home today, Yumi. Today was chaos, but I think tonight’s vote will show who deserves to be here and who doesn’t.”
Aliona continues, “We may ask you to repeat something or rephrase something, just do your best to seem natural. Oh, here they are.” She tugs two windbreakers out of her bag, the same kind JSP wears but in blue. “Put these on. Having you wear the same thing in every interview helps keep continuity for the viewer.”
We don the windbreakers, knowing Aliona is only telling us half-truths. They also have us wear the same outfit in confessionals so they can use the clips in different episodes to craft certainnarratives. A throwaway joke in this confessional might come off as a snarky dig at another contestant in tomorrow’s challenge. The fandom calls this a frankenbite—soundbites Frankenstein’d together to form a brand-new monster the show can use for extra dramatic promo.
The questioning begins without further preamble: “What was your first thought when Jonathan walked out at Red Rocks at the beginning of this Adventure?”
Oh my God. Even just the flight and the murder of mimes feel like years ago. Colorado was like a whole separate reincarnation. How am I meant to remember that?
“When Jonathan first walked out at Red Rocks, that’s when it really hit me that we were—”
“Sorry, girls,” Aliona says, interrupting Yumi. “Can you stand a little closer together? We’re trying to play up the love angle for this first episode.”
I’ve been dreading this moment. I’m always dreading something. We inch toward each other, lining up our shoulders so they touch with all the romantic connection of two cups in a kitchen cabinet. I’m grateful that the first time Yumi and I have to cosplay as a couple, we’re both cold, drenched, and miserable. It makes it more believable when she doesn’t wrap her arms around me or rest her chin on my shoulder. Had it been hot, tank top weather, we might be skin to skin instead of windbreaker to windbreaker. She grabs my hand. Kind of. We both still wear our work gloves, our fingers barely interlacing because of the thick, stiff fabric. It’s perfect, actually.
“Great, thank you.” Aliona gestures at us. “So, when Jonathan first walked out…”
Yumi says, “When Jonathan first walked out at Red Rocks, that’s when it really hit me that we were doing this. We’re here. Like, we’re really here. It’s surreal.”
What’s really surreal is me watching her echo the exact thoughts I had as our car pulled out of the parking lot at Red Rocks. The sentiment isn’t unique, it’s the phrasing that gets me.We’re here. We’re really here. It’s surreal.
“Noelle, today’s challenge was difficult already. How did the rain add to that difficulty?”
“Cutting the locks was already a really difficult task,” I repeat obediently. “The rain just made it that much harder. Our goggles kept fogging up, the bolt cutters were hard to hold on to, even with our work gloves. And some teams didn’t even bring work gloves, so that must’ve been even harder for them.” A little pat on the back for the superfans, a wink and nod to the people on theADVforums who already have work gloves on their packing list for the day they get cast.
“As a superfan, would you say this is the hardest First Adventure inThe Adventureversehistory?”
